


Separated

by romanticalgirl



Series: Separated Trilogy [1]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-12 07:25:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl





	1. Friday

It wasn’t as if the apartment was different without her presence. She’d never even graced the hallowed halls of the small space he now called home.

Not that he had a right to complain. He’d never stepped foot in her place either. Sighing, he sank onto the futon and rested his head on the back of it. The pounding headache wouldn’t go away and he knew no amount of painkiller was going to do the job.

The only thing that could assuage the pain was the presence of his wife, and there was no way in hell she was going to come walking through that door anytime soon. Not after everything that had happened, everything that had been said.

Because it didn’t matter what their feelings were. They’d done the one thing they’d always promised to avoid – they’d fought all the way into the bedroom, and from there, the accusations took on epic proportions. He said things he didn’t mean; she said things she would regret.

And now they were living in separate states, separate apartments, separate lives.

Separated.

“Fuck,” Pacey breathed, running his hand through his already rumpled hair. Reaching for his briefcase, he slammed it down onto the cushion beside him and flipped it open. A long weekend and he had nothing to look forward to except a sheaf of papers, TV dinners and a very cold, very lonely bed – well, and another round of mastering the lost art of masturbation.

Being married to Joey had gotten him out of the habit. Being separated from her had reminded him how easy it all was to remember.

Squeezing his eyes closed for a moment, he tried to focus his thoughts on anything other than his wife. “Ex-wife,” his brain insisted.

“No,” he muttered aloud. “Not yet.” Sighing, Pacey dropped the papers back into his briefcase and got off the futon. Making his way to the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. Yet another thing he’d fallen back into the habit of since she’d left him.

Or he’d left her.

He didn’t quite remember any more how it happened. He remembered the fight. He would remember every word of it until the day he died, sure that they were etched onto his soul. He remembered the thing he said that sent her over the edge, the thing that pushed their marriage into the realm of the unsalvageable.

“If you’re so unhappy here, Josephine, why don’t you just go back to Dawson? I’m sure he’d take you back, even if you are soiled goods.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the door of the freezer, hoping that the cool metal would soothe the heat of anger and embarrassment. He’d been drunk. He’d been feeling guilty for flirting with the waitress in the bar. He’d been feeling guilty for being in the bar in the first place, but he hadn’t known how to say no when the guys had asked him to go with them.

He’d been spending so much time with Joey, he’d taken the ribbing about being pussy-whipped a little too much to heart and he’d blown her off. He hadn’t gone to see the exhibit she’d worked so hard on, invested so much of herself in. Instead he’d gone to the bar and, swimming in the guilt, drank too much and played up to the sweet young thing that had been serving them.

But when it started to be more than flirting, when she’d slipped him her number as he’d walked out of the bar – her number written on what he could only figure were her panties – he’d sobered the hell up and gone home, not caring what his buddies said.

By then, of course, it was too late.

She was sitting in the window in the dark, just like she’d always done whenever she was upset. He’d walked in and stood there, leaning against the door as he locked it behind him.

“You’re late.”

“It’s before midnight.”

“You were supposed to meet me at five.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? Are you really?” She got off the window seat and walked up to him, her eyes angry and intense. “Were you working late, Pacey? Were you at the school all night? Or…” she inhaled, drinking in the smell of alcohol and smoke, “were you off enjoying yourself?”

“I had a few drinks with the guys from the school.”

“Not giving a damn that tonight was the biggest night of my career so far? Not caring that you were supposed to be my escort for this party? Not caring that, instead of getting compliments on all the hard work I did, I had to fend off questions as to where my loving, devoted husband was? I spent the evening explaining your absence, telling lies to the people I respect, simply because my husband has no respect for me.”

“That’s not true, Jo. I respect you.”

“Right.” She moved closer, turning the light on as she did. A knowing smile, a bitter smile, crossed her lips. “You respect me so much.” Her fingers touched his chest and he felt the familiar rush of love and desire she always evoked in him. “That’s why you spent the evening with…” she held up a single, long, blonde hair. “Her?”

“You know I would never cheat on you.” The soft laugh, completely lacking in humor, cut like a knife. “Joey, I love you.” Pacey raised his hand to her cheek, wanting to reassure her, needing her to believe him.

She took his hand as it caressed her skin, bringing it to her lips. Just before she kissed the tips, a prelude to forgiveness, her nose wrinkled and she drew back in a mixture of shock and horror. Tears filled her hazel eyes. “Do you?”

She ran from the room, leaving Pacey standing there in the room, alone with his confusion. Out of reflex, he brought his hands to his face, cursing softly as he realized what had happened.

“It’s not what you think,” he started after her, catching the bedroom door before it slammed shut. “Joey, you have to listen to me.”

“You fucking smell like another woman, Pacey Witter.”

“It’s not…she gave me her number. That’s all. That’s as far as it went, I swear it. Joey, you have to know I would never cheat on you. I love you.”

“Yeah. I love you too, a lot of good it’s done me, huh?” She grabbed a duffel bag out of the closet and started cramming clothes into it. “You’re a son of a bitch, Pacey.”

“If you’re so unhappy here, Josephine, why don’t you just go back to Dawson? I’m sure he’d take you back, even if you are soiled goods.”

She recoiled as if he’d slapped her. Pacey clamped his mouth shut, wishing immediately that he could take back the words. “I thought you’d never stoop so low as to use the Dawson card, Pacey, but apparently I was giving you way too much credit.”

“Joey…”

“Goodbye Pacey.” She grabbed the bag and swung it up onto her shoulder. “If you need me,” her grin was feral, hurting and hurtful at the same time. “I’ll be at Dawson’s.”

**

Pacey bounced his head off the freezer door just for good measure, even thought it was far too late to hope to knock some sense into his brain. Heading back to the living room, he loosened his tie and took a swig of his beer. Setting the beer down, he rolled his neck, trying to soothe the knotted muscles there as he picked up the papers once more.

He read a few paragraphs and sighed, grabbing a pen from his shirt pocket. Marking a few corrections, he kicked off his shoes and tried to relax. The silence of the apartment seemed to thicken, dancing on his nerves. Dropping the papers once more, he untied his tie and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. Getting off the futon, he started for the bedroom, hoping that changing into something more comfortable would help him calm down.

He reached the bedroom just as the knock came and he sighed heavily. He’d been besieged by Girl Scouts all week, now that the word had been passed that he didn’t know how to refuse. Rubbing his eyes, he walked to the door and swung it open, too tired to argue. “All right, all right. You know I can’t say no. I give in. How much?”

“Have I reduced you to paying for sex, Pacey?”

He dropped his hand, his eyes widening. He struggled to swallow the lump in his throat as he gazed at her, completely enraptured. “Joey?”

“You say that like you’re not sure. Surely you haven’t forgotten me already?”

His eyes took her in, remembering every inch of her. Her hair was in a loose ponytail, brushing her shoulders in the soft breeze. Her sweater was too big, he was almost sure it had been his, once upon a time. Her jeans were snug, showing off the body he craved, coveted, loved and lost. “You’re pretty unforgettable, Potter.”

The sound of her name brought them both up short. He’d stopped calling her Potter after they’d married, insisting that she was a Witter. He’d given her hell, taunting her with the name she’d always said she despised, waiting until they were alone to slip back into their old teasing endearments. Potter was his name for her when he loved her, whispered with a lifetime’s worth of affection.

“Funny you should call me that.” Joey lifted the envelope she’d held in front of her. “This is for you.”

He knew what it was without opening it. He could feel it in the uncomfortable stance she was using, in the air of uneasiness that surrounded them. “Would you like to come in?” She looked over her shoulder and he winced. “Dawson can come in too, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not here with Dawson.”

“Trusted me alone with you, did he?”

“You’re my husband, Pacey. Dawson doesn’t even enter into it.”

“Really?” He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice as he stepped back, offering to let her enter. “Then why the hell are you living with him, Joey?”

She shrugged and walked into the apartment, not looking at him. “I needed a place to stay.”

“What was wrong with our place?”

“Just that, Pacey. It was ours, and there is no us anymore.”

He watched as she played with her wedding rings, belying her statement. “You’re still my wife, Joey.”

“Not for long.” She headed to the kitchen table, pushing a few papers out of the way as she set the envelope down on the table. “My lawyer said that he talked to yours.”

“He did.”

“And they told you these were coming.”

“Yeah, Jo. They told me these were coming. What I don’t understand is why they all failed to mention *you* were coming with them.” He closed the door softly then walked over to the table. He sank down opposite her, needing to see her answer as much as he needed to hear it. “Wouldn’t it be a hell of a lot easier if you didn’t have to see me? Or did you want to see for yourself that I didn’t stumble and fall when you walked out on our marriage?”

“I never thought you’d stumble, Pacey. You, better than anyone I know, are perfectly capable of surviving anything.”

“So why are you here, Joey?”

She chewed at her lower lip, a sight that never failed to arouse him. He stood up and walked into the living room, needing to be away from her, needing a drink. Grabbing his beer, he walked back and headed straight for the fridge.

“Can I get you anything?”

“I had to be sure.”

“Sure of what? Me? You?”

“That it was over.”

“You see,” Pacey turned around quickly, the hurt he’d tried so hard to hide showing in his blue eyes. “That’s where I’m a little confused. Okay, we had a fight. We had a hell of a fight and I was an ass. I didn’t think about what I was doing to you that night. I didn’t think that I was hurting you. And we both said things we didn't mean. But I don’t understand why that means that our marriage is over.”

“You don’t see it because you don’t want to see it.”

“You’re wrong, Joey. If this is over, if it’s well and truly done, I want to see it so that it won’t hurt quite so fucking much.” He practically fell back into the chair opposite her. “We should work through this. We fought. We fucked up. *I* fucked up. But, if we love each other, shouldn’t we find a way to reconcile this? Isn’t that what marriage is all about, Jo? Isn’t it about finding ways to work through the bad times?”

“That’s what it’s supposed to be,” she nodded. “And that’s what our marriage was. But it’s not that anymore.”

“Why not, Jo?” Pacey leaned forward, his eyes pleading. “What was it that I did or said that was so unforgivable? Do you really believe that I slept with her? Do you really think that I would risk the one thing – the one person – that made my life worthwhile for a simple mindless fuck?”

“No.”

He shook his head, not understanding, “Then why?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I won’t sign the papers until I know, Joey. I have to know what went so wrong in that one night that our marriage went from pretty close to blissful to non-existent. I need to know why you’re living in a different state than I am, why I have to wake up wondering why you’re not beside me.”

She ran her finger over the envelope, her hand trembling. “Just sign them, please?”

“Not until you make me understand. I’ve been beating myself up for almost six months, Jo. I’ve been sleeping on a damn futon because I can’t handle that bed alone. I can’t stand the thought of not waking up next to you.”

“I can’t stay here, Pacey. I have things to do this weekend.”

“Then I guess we’re not getting divorced any time soon.”

Joey stood up and began pacing the room, her arms crossed over her chest, “Why are you being like this? Isn’t it enough that we decided? You agreed not to contest it, Pacey. You told your lawyer to let me have whatever I wanted. You promised.”

“Yeah, well, I promised until death do us part, but you don’t seem to mind that I’m breaking that one, do you?” He got up as well and walked away from her. He stared out the kitchen window, not needing to see her to feel her movement. He was so in tune with her, he could practically hear the blood zinging through her veins. “It’s your choice, Jo. Either explain and I sign, or we go to court.”

“You’d do that to me?” Her voice was soft and hurting, but he was hurting to.

“Why not? You thought I could screw around, why shouldn’t I screw you over?”

**

Joey moved back to the table and stared down at the manila envelope. Everything she swore she’d never do was inside it, betraying every promise she’d made to herself. “I’ll be back.”

Pacey moved past her to block the door. “No. I told you…”

“My stuff is out in the car. If I’m going to be stuck here, I figure I might as well be comfortable. Surely you trust me enough to go out to my car?”

He nodded and moved away, unlocking and opening the door for her. “You can call him from in here, Joey. You don’t have to go outside to use the cell. Hell, I’ll even pay for the call.”

She stopped and turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. “Thank you.” She turned back and continued walking, headed for the small MG that she’d been driving since she’d bought it second hand in college. He watched her walk, watched the subtle sway of her hips and the ease with which she moved. All the gawkiness of youth was gone, as was the complete disbelief that she was beautiful.

He’d spent years reminding her of how much he loved her, how much he loved looking at her. He spent night after night telling her how it felt to touch her, to be inside her. He’d given her the confidence she lacked; reinforcing what she refused to believe was true. And now it showed in how she walked, how she carried herself.

She grabbed her bag out of the back seat and dropped it on the ground. Opening the driver’s door, she got in for a moment and unlocked the hatch on the back. With practiced ease, she refitted the top of the car, covering it against the appearance of the upcoming storm. When she was finished, she scooped up her bag and started back toward him. “I thought you trusted me.”

“I do.”

“So why are you out here? Making sure I don’t make a quick getaway?”

“I was watching you bend over,” he admitted with a shrug. “I’ve missed the view.”

She blushed delicately and he felt a surge of power that his comments still held some sway over her. “So, can I use the phone?”

The power dissipated, washed away in the wake of Dawson Leery. “Sure. There’s one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.”

She carried her bag with her into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Pacey closed the front door and locked it once more, wondering if he was trying to lock her in or lock the rest of the world outside. He headed for the kitchen and pulled out another beer. Staring at the bedroom door, he picked up the envelope from the table and slid the flap open.

Irreconcilable difference.

He wondered what sort of things were so bad that they were irreconcilable. Nothing seemed so bad that it couldn’t be fixed, at least in his mind. He’d started to forgive his father because of the argument they’d had over Andie; he and Andie had managed to find their way back to friendship, despite the events of her summer in Providence.

Joey’s handwriting was precise, her signature dignified. In every aspect of her life, except for him and Dawson, she’d managed to repress the Capeside in her. She presented a face to the world that bespoke of wealth and power, assurance and esteem. Only two people knew her well enough to know it was all a façade. One she was living with and the other she was married to.

“Divorced from,” he whispered softly, signing the papers quickly and slipping them into the envelope before she came back into the room. Carefully closing it again, he returned his pen to his shirt pocket and grabbed his beer.

He’d never been able to refuse her anything.

The bedroom door opened and she walked out. “I don’t suppose that the offer of a beer still stands?”

He nodded and got up, grabbing another from the fridge. Handing it over to her, he sat down once again. “How’s Dawson?”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“He says hello.”

“No he doesn’t.” He shook his head, rolling his eyes all the while. “Give me a little credit, Joey. I’m going to guess that Dawson thinks you’re in Capeside, visiting Bessie. Bessie agreed to the little subterfuge because she thinks you’re coming here to work everything out with me. You can lie to the other people in your life, but you can’t lie to me.”

“No, I guess I can’t. You’re right. Dawson doesn’t know I’m here. If he did, I would have had to listen to a day or two of lecturing, reminding me that I left you for a reason and that dredging up old memories isn’t going to accomplish anything. I would have agreed with him and done it anyway, but at least this way I skipped the lecture.”

“Except you’re hearing him in your head.”

“Yeah.” She played with the hem of her sweater and refused to meet his eyes. “But he’s right, you know. Reliving old memories isn’t going to change the outcome of this, Pacey.”

“I don’t want to relive anything, Joey. I just want to know how we went from a fight over an event that never happened to going our separate ways. I’m afraid I’m still a little in the dark as to why we didn’t even try.”

“I see you kept the bed.”

“It was my bed.”

“I wasn’t making an accusation. It was just an observation.”

“Right. An observation about the bed we used to sleep in together every night.” Pacey looked away from her. “You want to relive old memories, Joey? Should I remind you how we used to make each other feel in that bed? Should I remind you of the first night we spent there together? Should I…”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” She reached out and touched him. They both stared down at their touching hands, both determined not to be the first to move. Finally, Joey removed her hand. “I don’t want this to be about hurting each other, Pacey.”

“Then just tell me, Jo. All you have to do is explain it and it will all be over. A few simple words to make me understand and you can be on your way to Capeside or back to Dawson or where ever it is that you’re going to go when you’ve gotten me out of your life.”

“You’ll never be out of my life, Pacey.”

He grinned impishly, “Not if you don’t start talkin’.”

Joey sighed and took a drink of her beer. Taking a deep breath, she stared at the envelope for a long time before finally looking up to meet his eyes. “I just…I don’t love you anymore.”

**

His smile disappeared. “I see.”

Joey looked away from him, not willing to see the havoc her words had caused. She played with her wedding rings out of habit, one she would soon have to break herself of. She could feel the hurt radiating off him in waves, and she knew if she had the courage to look, that she would see shock and pain lacing through his eyes. “I mean, I’ll always love you, Pacey. You know that. I just…we just…”

He held up his hand to stop her. “Don’t. Okay? Just don’t bother explaining that one.” He took a long drink of his beer then stared unseeing at the bottle in his hands. “So I walked in that night and you just realized that you didn’t love me anymore?”

“No. You know that’s not the case.”

“No. I don’t. I don’t know a damn thing that went on in your head that night. You didn’t give me much opportunity to find out. You ran to Dawson’s house and refused to talk to me for three weeks.”

“I didn’t want to talk.”

“Right. Because talking might have actually led up to saving our marriage and you didn’t love me any more, so what was the point?” He bent his head to try and catch her eyes. “Joey, you’re not making any sense. We had a fight. I did something stupid. But I know for a fact that it wasn’t the first time I ever did something stupid.”

“No,” she admitted with a soft laugh. “It wasn’t.”

“So I’m a little unsure why it was the worst something stupid I ever did.”

She sighed, “Pacey, that night meant so much to me and I wanted you to be there so badly. But when you weren’t and when all the attention was focused on where my husband wasn’t, as opposed to all the work that I’d done…”

“You realized I was a complete fuck-up and not worth your time?” He let out a short laugh. “I thought you knew that in high school.”

“I was hurt. And angry. And when you came home, smelling like you’d spent the night in a cheap whorehouse, I lost my mind a little.”

They were both silent for a long time. Finally, Pacey spoke. “So you left. But afterwards, when you calmed down, when you looked at it a little more objectively, was it so bad? When you realized I hadn’t slept with that waitress, didn’t it occur to you that maybe we’d both overreacted?”

“I don’t know that you never slept with her.”

Angry again, Pacey took her chin in his hand and made her look at him. “I have never, since the day we started dating, slept with another woman. There is no other woman I want to sleep with. I love you. Only you.”

She met his eyes. “I know,” she looked away, ignoring the sensations coursing through her as his thumb softly stroked her jaw.

“Then why?” His voice was barely above a whisper, tortured with his inability to understand. “Tell me why you stayed away. Tell me why I’m on the brink of losing the only important thing in my life, Joey.”

She pulled away from his touch and walked into the living room. “I found something.”

“Something?”

“The letter you wrote Dawson.”

“What?” Pacey stood and followed her, leaning against the wall as she paced restlessly. “What letter?”

“The one you kept hidden in your dresser.” Joey stopped at the window and watched as the rapidly moving clouds darkened the sky. “The one where you asked him about…about me.”

Pacey flinched. He’d written it one night after Joey had fallen asleep. He’d been joking around all night about impregnating her, and she’d kept brushing him off. He’d teased her unmercifully until she’d submitted to his will and they’d lain there, warm in each other’s embrace.

“Jo? Don’t you ever think about it?”

“What?”

“Getting pregnant. Having a baby. Our baby? I mean, I know you’re working and I’m working, but don’t you ever want…?”

“I don’t want kids.”

Her statement had been so final, so assured, and it had hurt him beyond measure. “At all? Or with me?”

“Aren’t the two things mutually exclusive?” She’d smiled at him and touched his lips softly with her hands. “I mean, it’s not like I’ve got a lot of other candidates lining up to *not* be the father of my children.”

When she’d fallen asleep, he’d gotten out of bed and paced, unsure of why it bothered him so much. He’d thought about calling Dawson, but it was 4am, and he knew that no matter how good their friendship was, if he woke his friend up, he was dead.

He’d sat down and written him, knowing even before he’d finished that he’d never send the letter. He could almost hear the accusation in his words. Funny how hurt tainted everything. He’d kept the letter though, still unable to reconcile the motherly instinct in her with the complete distaste for wanting her own children.

“I never sent it to him.”

“I know. I asked him.”

And there he was again. Their mutual best friend, somewhere in the middle of their relationship. Pacey bit his tongue, not wanting to lob any more accusations her way.

“I was hurt. I figured it had to be because of me. So I asked him if you’d ever talked about family with him.” Pacey sugarcoated the explanation, which was silly since she’d read every spiteful word. “You have to know that I respected your decision. I didn’t understand it, but I respected it.”

“When I read it, Pacey, all I could think was ‘what if he leaves me for someone who will give him the family he obviously wants so badly’. And then, everywhere I looked, I started seeing all the signs.”

“The signs of what?”

“Your wandering eye.”

He pushed away from the wall and walked over to her. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her toward the futon and forced her to sit down. Moving his briefcase and work out of the way, he sat down next to her. “We’ve already discussed this, Joey. I would never cheat on you.”

“I know that now. Maybe, in my heart, I knew it then. But after reading the letter, all I could see was every other woman who walked by. I kept wondering if you liked them, if you thought they were prettier than me, if you wanted to have sex with them, if you were having sex with them.” She clenched her hands into fists to hide their shaking. “And then I started working on the gallery show and you seemed to resent all the time apart.”

“I *missed* you,” he explained.

“And then you didn’t show up.” She shrugged idly as if it didn’t matter. “And when you came home…like I said, I just lost my mind for a while. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was stressed. All I could see when I closed my eyes was you with some sultry blonde, writhing around on our bed.”

“And this visual slandering of my character was only helped by the fact that another blond was adding fuel to the fire, am I right?” He leaned back against the arm of the futon and shook his head. “What did he say, Joey? That all actors return to type and you’re the only brunette I ever slept with? That my character was flawed and, like the sidekick in any movie, I just wasn’t destined to keep the girl?”

“Dawson didn’t say anything.”

“Bullshit.” Pacey got up and moved away from her, afraid of being too close now. “Dawson doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut when there’s an opportunity to malign my character. So, come on, surprise me. What did he say?”

“He said you were a self-serving bastard, completely focused on your own pleasure, not giving a damn about what was important to me. He reminded me that my true friends had been at the opening, even when my husband was too busy carousing with the local white trash to make it.” Joey admitted the words in a soft voice, knowing how much they would hurt him.

“He reminded you that he was there and I wasn’t.” Pacey nodded. “A little cliched, but that’s our Dawson. And let me guess, Joey, the words soul and mate came up somewhere, right? Nothing too obvious. Maybe a casual reminder that, even though we’ve been married and happy for over five years, I’m not your soul mate. Maybe that’s why you were so reluctant to have children. Why it was so easy to see me as the bad guy?”

“Something like that,” she agreed.

“And then he led you up to the guest bedroom, tucked you in, kissed you softly on the forehead and said goodnight. But, as he was heading out of the room, he – in a move that to any outside observer would be just a charming reference to your childhood, but to any of the three of us would be a blatant invitation – he said something sweet about his window always being open.” He watched as she flinched, knowing he’d hit the nail on the head. His best friend. Funny. “I know, I didn’t use enough big words, Joey, but I’m pretty close to right, aren’t I?”

“Pretty close.” She nodded. “There were a few more slurs leveled at you. A few more references to your overactive, libidinous activities in high school and the first part of college.”

“And did you take him up on his offer, Joey?”

“No.” Relief flooded through him. “I needed a friend, not a lover. Dawson knew that. The invitation was just reflex.”

“And the next morning when you woke up, Joey? Did you still need a friend more than you needed a husband?”

**

“I didn’t know what I needed, Pacey. All I knew was that I woke up and I still hurt. It hurt to think of you, it hurt to not think of you.” She got up and moved to his fireplace, picking up the wedding picture that sat on the mantel. They’d moved out of the apartment that they shared when she formally asked him for the separation. He said he didn’t want to go home to their house without her in it, she was living at Dawson’s.

She could remember walking in after Dawson had called and told her the coast was clear, Pacey had finished moving all his things out. She walked in and was struck by how empty it all felt. His clothes were gone, some of the dishes were gone, their bed was gone. She’d walked over to the mantel that day as well and stared at the picture she now held in her hands. He’d left it behind, so she’d done the same.

Obviously he’d gone back.

“I had Dawson drive me to the apartment the next day to pick up a few more things.”

“I know.”

“You weren’t there. It just made it worse. My mind kept coming up with all these scenarios of where you were, what you were doing, who you were with.”

“And on Monday, when you found out?”

“I felt so stupid, you know. I walked into the gallery and all the guys were telling me about how you stopped by on Saturday, determined to help with the cleanup and the rest of the remodeling. How you worked all weekend long, fending off questions about why you weren’t with me.”

“What did you say to them?”

“I told them the truth.” Joey shrugged and set the picture down, running her fingertip over the image of his face. “I told them that I’d left you.”

“I see.”

“And they asked why you’d been here all weekend and I told them you were trying to make up for the fact that you’d spent Friday night with another woman.”

“I wondered why I suddenly seemed to have fewer friends.” Pacey laughed sadly. “And they all believed you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I found out who my true friends were, at least.”

She winced. Dawson had refused to talk to Pacey at all during the three weeks, other than to tell him that she had no desire to speak to or see him again. She wasn’t sure if he’d talked to him since. “And then when I went to the school to talk to you, to discuss the separation, I walked in on you and…what was her name?”

“Amy.” Pacey nodded, knowing at least that this had been coming. “Mrs. Amy Brendon. Who had just found out that her daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and needed a friend. But you were too busy screaming at me to listen, weren’t you?”

“I felt horrible when I heard.”

She’d gotten a call from Amy’s husband that night at Dawson’s and he’d very calmly assured her that, as a lawyer, the accusations she’d leveled at his wife could be construed as slander. And she was very lucky, since they were so busy with their dying child, that he had no time or desire to prosecute.

“He felt badly after he called. I imagine you just got the brunt of his pain at the time.”

“Is she…?”

“She’s in remission.” Pacey stated flatly. “But her mother still refuses to be my…what did you call her? My cheap slut for hire?”

Joey gave him a dirty look. “Okay, I was a little irrational, but walking in on that just made everything worse.”

“Okay, so let me see if I’ve got this straight so far. It all comes down to the fact that you don’t want children and I do, is that right?” Pacey shook his head. “I’m a little confused about that, Jo, since I’m okay with not having kids.”

“It’s more than that and you know it.” She massaged her forehead with her fingers. “We both know it.”

He nodded. “I suppose we do.”

“Can’t we just say that we outgrew each other? Can’t we just find the answer that will satisfy us both and leave it at that, Pacey?” Joey turned back away from him, not wanting to see the pain in his eyes. She knew it matched hers, knew that neither of them believed it would ever be simple…or over between them.

“No. The only answer that ever satisfied me when it came to the two of us was I do.”

“You’re making this harder.”

“Divorce is supposed to be hard, Joey.” He left the living room and entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes as he walked. “Damn you, why did you have to come here? Why did you have to do this to me? I was okay!” He turned around and realized he was yelling at the same time. “I was managing on my own, making it through each day with just a little bit of pain. I knew the papers were coming, yes. I had braced myself for the day I opened up my mailbox and saw that damn envelope, but I wasn’t ready for you!”

“I’m sorry,” her voice was soft, but he heard her nonetheless.

“Sorry? You don’t talk to me, you don’t call me, you don’t see me for four fucking months, Joey! It was like you disappeared off the face of the earth. No one would tell me where you were, what you were doing. I couldn’t find you and I was going out of my head. Then one day I get a call from my lawyer telling me that my wife, the woman I love more than life itself, was filing for divorce.”

“It’s the best thing.”

“For who? For me? No, it’s not. The best thing for me is for you to give us another chance. You never gave us an opportunity to fix this, Joey.” He dropped his voice and slumped back against the counter. “Which makes me wonder if you ever wanted it fixed.”

“I…”

“You know what? It’s late. Why don’t you take the bed. I’ll sleep on the futon.”

“No, Pacey. I can’t take your bed…”

“It was our bed. And I haven’t slept in it since you left. Just…just take the damn bed, Joey.” He walked into the bedroom and grabbed a few things before heading went into the bathroom. Joey stared at the closed door, blinking back the tears that danced in her eyes. When he came out of the bathroom, she started, guilty for being caught waiting.

“Goodnight, Joey.”

She couldn’t look away from him, she didn’t know how. No matter what had happened in their lives, no matter what ever happened, she could never tire of looking at him. His black pajama pants were slung low on his hips and his bare chest gleamed in the soft light of the lamps. “Maybe it would just be best if I left.”

He walked to the front door and opened it, reminding the both of them of the storm raging outside. Wind whipped the trees and rain threatened to join them, yet it was nothing compared to the storm of their own making. “If you want.”

“Close the door.” She headed toward the bedroom, stopping in the doorway. She turned and looked back at him, her chest tight as he picked up the stack of papers he’d set aside and turned his attention to them. He didn’t spare her another glance as she slipped into the other room and shut the door behind her.

Only then did Pacey look up from the papers he couldn’t see and stare at where she'd been.

**


	2. Saturday

Joey stood by the fireplace and watched him sleep. He seemed so peaceful, so relaxed. She wondered how he was able to do it. She’d tossed and turned all night, under siege from the memories that their bed held. How he’d kissed her, how he’d held her when she cried. How they’d fought and played and made love for hours.

She hadn’t slept well; haunted by dreams of a past she no longer had a right to.

Stepping away from the fireplace, she moved over to the edge of the futon and knelt beside it. The papers he’d been working on were scattered all over the floor and she gathered them together. His hand was draped across his chest and the other was thrown over his head and all she wanted to do was touch him.

All she ever wanted to do was touch him.

Her hand shook as she raised it to his chest, resting it over his heart, feeling the strong beat. He smiled in his sleep and shifted slightly, turning towards her. Her breath sped up and she let her hand roam over his body. The hard curve of muscle, the soft roughness of the dark hair that was sprinkled across his stomach, disappearing into the silk of his pajamas, all of it felt like heaven under her gentle touch.

When she looked up, she wasn’t surprised to see his blue eyes focused on her, watching her. She managed a smile and started to move her hand. He caught it and shook his head, bringing her cool fingers back in contact with his warm skin. She ran her fingertips over his stomach and up his chest, resting them on the curve of his shoulder. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Which part?”

“The fighting. The showing up unannounced.”

“You could have sent me an engraved invitation, Joey and I still would have been floored. After six months of pretty much no contact, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“It still wasn’t fair.”

“No. No, it wasn’t. But then, I don’t think very much of this is fair anyway.” He sat up and her hand fell away, careful not to touch him again. “It’s obvious that there’s still something between us, Joey. Why are we fighting it and going our separate ways?”

She shrugged and wrapped the hand that had so recently touched him around her own neck. “Maybe there’s just too much between us?”

“Maybe.” He got off the futon and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up further. Joey quelled the urge to run her fingers through it by getting to her feet. Her eyes took him in, knowing that she was fast approaching her last opportunity to do so. She let her gaze linger as it swept over his chest and arms, his flat stomach and…she blushed as she noticed his arousal, remembering how he used to wake her up on Saturday mornings. He noticed the soft blush and shook his head. “I’m going to shower.”

Watching him walk to the bedroom, she couldn’t help but laugh softly. And he still had the nicest ass. “I’ll make breakfast.”

“There’s not much. Today is grocery day.”

“You have a grocery day?”

He raised his eyebrow as he walked to the bathroom carrying a handful of clothes. “Yeah. Despite popular belief, the love of a good woman can domesticate even the wildest of men, sometimes so much so that they can’t break the conditioning, even when the relationship ends.”

“Wow, I had that much power over you?”

He shook his head, “You still do.”

Joey walked into the kitchen and dug through the refrigerator, shaking her head at the contents. Bread, milk, cheese, beer, eggs and bologna. Omelets it was. They were almost finished when he walked into the kitchen, barefoot, jeans half buttoned and pulling his shirt on over his head. He tugged it down and sniffed appreciatively.

“Smells great.”

“Bread, milk, eggs, cheese and beer, Pacey? You’d think you were a bachelor.”

“Aren’t I?” He tucked in his shirt and finished buttoning his jeans. “Sorry. We sort of called a truce, didn’t we?”

“So, we go shopping for groceries. What else?”

“What else?”

“Well, if we sit here, we’re going to end up arguing, since neither of us can seem to keep their wit to themselves, so I say we get out of here and have a little fun. What do you say?”

“Can I eat first?”

Joey slid a cheese omelet in front of him and handed him a fork. “Your wish is my command.” She grabbed her own food and sat down across from him. “And if the eggs or milk was bad, I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Damn, food poisoning, why didn’t I think of that?” Pacey grinned and dug into his food.

She took a bite of her own breakfast and returned his grin, “Just not smart enough, I guess.”

“I guess not.”

They finished the meal in a comfortable silence. Pacey carried his plate to the sink and rinsed it, slipping it in the dishwasher. Joey walked up beside him and handed hers to him, resting her hand on his shoulder as she did so. They stood there for a long moment, just touching, neither of them looking at the other. Finally, Pacey shrugged off her hand and stepped back. “I’m going to finish getting dressed, then we can go.”

“All right.”

“Did you…did you need to call anyone? Bessie or Dawson?”

“I should probably call Bessie.”

“And what will you tell her?”

“That we’re spending the day together, trying to come to terms with things.” Joey wouldn’t look at him. “It’s the truth, even if it’s not the truth the way she wants it to be.”

“They’re you’re relatives, Joey. You’ve got to live with them after the weekend’s over. I just hope…I just hope that you don’t plan on making me take the fall again.”

“You set yourself up for the fall last time,” she reminded him.

“I stood on the edge of the cliff, Joey.” He walked away from her, sitting on the couch to pull on his shoes. “You were the one who pushed.”

**

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Joey laughed as she looked over Pacey’s list. “No one can survive on nothing but microwave food, eggs and Pop-tarts, Pacey.”

“It’s all I know how to cook.” He grabbed the list back from her and headed down an aisle. “It’s not like I had a lot of gourmet lessons at the Witter household.” He didn’t look at her as he bent down to grab a box of cereal. “Either of them. Besides, I know you don’t cook much at all. Who does the cooking for you?”

“We eat out a lot.”

“Oh.” He dropped the boxes in the cart. “So you guys are a we now?”

“No. We just do a lot of stuff together. We commute into the city together and some nights, when we get off late, it’s easier to just grab a meal on the way home.”

Pacey nodded and grabbed several different flavors of Pop-tarts. “How’s the gallery?”

She sighed her relief; glad he’d dropped the subject of Dawson. “Good. We’re doing well. Several artists are coming to us and we’ve managed to snag a few that have managed to catch on with the local art society.”

“That’s great.”

“And you? How’s school?”

“Hellacious. The kids are all uber-hip, too cool for school, you know? So I’ve been trying to devise ways to keep them interested without making it seem too much like learning.”

“You’d be the perfect one to come up with a solution to that.” She grinned and bumped her shoulder against his playfully. “Have you suggested sleeping with a teacher or two?”

“Well, that’s actually on the lesson plan for next week,” he grinned back at her, reaching behind her to grab something. Joey stiffened slightly as his hand looped around her and she stepped forward, away from his touch. Pacey just shook his head and grabbed what he needed off the shelf. “We’ve managed to incorporate music and sports into the mix so that they’re learning about things they’re interested in without realizing they’re learning.”

“Good.” She tossed a few things into his cart. “School’s almost out. Do you have any plans for the summer?”

“No.” He crossed several things off his list, not looking at her. “You?”

“Nothing for sure. We’ve been invited to do a showing in the Hamptons. A private thing for some exclusive clientele of another gallery we deal with.”

“That’s great. I hear the Spielbergs vacation in the Hamptons.”

“No, that’s Streisand.” Joey ignored his jibe and kept walking. “Although, to be honest, I got enough beach and sand at Capeside. I’d much rather spend the summer in the city. So, I’m thinking about sending Roger.”

“He ready for the responsibility? I thought you were afraid he was too wishy-washy to make an important decision.”

“I did, but he’s gotten better.” Joey shrugged, amazed at how simply their conversation flowed when they stayed away from dangerous topics. “He’s actually shown some talent in finding new artists and convincing them to let me exploit their genius.”

“Well, someone’s got to do it.” Pacey stopped in the produce section and lifted a carton of strawberries. “You want fruit with your cereal tomorrow morning?”

“I’m having cereal?” Joey shook her head. “I cooked you a hot meal this morning, Pacey. The least you could do is return the favor.”

“I could heat up the Cheeri-os, but I don’t think you’d like them that way.” He placed the strawberries in the cart. “I’ll make it up to you and buy you dinner tonight, would that be fair?”

“I don’t know.”

“It would be much better for your health.”

“Okay, dinner it is.”

They filled up the cart, walking slowly down every aisle, discussing anything that came to mind. Joey took over pushing the cart, preferring to watch Pacey walk in front of her. He was talking about one of his students when they turned down one aisle and he came to a halt. “I don’t need anything down here.”

Joey followed him as he turned, the rush of hurt filling her once more, scented softly with the smell of baby oils and powder. Pacey turned down the next aisle and held up a six pack of beer.

“You have a preference?”

“No. Anything cold is fine.”

“Women,” Pacey’s voice was laced with exasperation. “I swear. I suppose you think it doesn’t matter who wins the Superbowl either, since they’re both just football teams.”

She grinned and grabbed a box of Guinness off the shelf. “Is this all right?”

“A lady after my own heart.” He took the box from her and set it carefully in the cart. She laughed at him and he raised an eyebrow. “Hey, it’s all about priorities, Mrs…Joey.”

“Okay. We’ve got the beer,” she grabbed the list out of his jacket pocket and looked it over. “What else do we need?”

“Why do you still wear your rings?”

The topic didn’t surprise her. “You still wear yours.”

“I’m still married.”

“So am I.”

“I still want to be.”

Joey faced him. “I thought we called a truce.”

“We did. I’m not fighting, I’m not arguing. I’m just asking a question.” Pacey shrugged. “It seemed valid. You want this divorce to go through. I would think the rings would remind you of everything you’re trying to get away from.”

“They remind me of you, Pacey.”

“Is there a distinguishing difference between the two?” He headed for the checkout counter, not sure he wanted to hear her answer.

“Yes.” She didn’t add anything, simply let the word hang in the air between them. Pacey started loading the groceries on the conveyor belt, not wanting to look at her. Finally, Joey placed her hand on top of his and stopped his somewhat frantic movements. “What you mean to me hasn’t changed, Pacey. And it won’t change, not even after those papers are signed. You helped make me who I am, and I like who I am.”

“Well, I like you too,” he admitted with a grin.

He turned back to the groceries, willing to let the matter rest. Joey leaned on the handle of the cart and sighed. “Well, I like me sometimes.”

**

“Is this arranged in any order that might possibly make sense, Pacey?” Joey turned around, holding various boxes in both hands. “I don’t see how you manage to find anything in this kitchen.”

“I don’t see why you’re having so much trouble when the cupboards are pretty much bare.”

She glared at the back of his head. “Do you want them arranged any certain way?”

“I’ll eat them in the order they’re on the shelf. Just put them away, Joey.” He grabbed the five boxes of macaroni and cheese that she was holding in her left hand and tossed them on a shelf. “There. Simple, direct. Done.”

“You’re a pig.”

“Sometimes the wild male goes back to his natural habits,” he reminded her. Taking out the small amount of milk in the fridge, he sniffed it and made a face. “Good thing we bought more. I think that milk might just be walking out of here on it’s own accord.”

“Great. I’m feeling better about breakfast.”

Pacey finished with the perishables and tossed an apple from hand to hand. “So, what’s next on the agenda?”

“Why do I have to think of something?”

“You’re the one who said that if we stayed here, we’d end up fighting, so you have to think of ways to entertain me that don’t involve questioning your strength of character.” He laughed at her angry expression. “I’m teasing. Almost.”

“How about the zoo? Perhaps you can bond with your fellow wildlife.”

“Sounds good. I can do a little research for our upcoming field trip.” Grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, he gestured to the door. “After you.”

“You’re too kind.”

“Kind, hell. I figure you owe me, since you spent the entire morning in the grocery store staring at my ass. It’s payback time, sweetie.”

“Are you saying you enjoy looking at my ass, Mr. Witter?”

“I settle for looking, only because touching it would get me slapped.”

“You’d probably like that too, though, wouldn’t you?”

He put his arm around her shoulders and started off across the park that bordered his apartment complex. “You’d know.”

Instead of shrugging off his arm, Joey felt into step with him. They walked together well, their strides in sync with one another. She bent her left arm and caught the hand that rested on her shoulder in hers. Pacey didn’t say anything, simply held onto her, relishing their closeness.

“What made you decide to move out here?”

He shrugged, his arm tightening around her shoulders just a bit. “It was far enough away that I wasn’t running into any of our mutual friends all the time. It’s still fairly close to the school, not to mention the park, the zoo and the museum. Makes it easier to plan things out when I have field trips to arrange.”

“Have you been doing a lot of extra-curricular stuff?”

“I don’t have much else to occupy my time,” he reminded her. “I started helping out some of the tutoring programs. We try and take some of the less privileged kids that usually have to skip the trips to focus on their studies to some of the same places on the weekends and after school. It’s not the same as bonding with the others, but it gives them some sense of belonging.”

“Who would have thought that your history of scholastic mediocrity would pay off in an established career, huh?” Joey smiled up at him. “I certainly didn’t think, after spending all those hours tutoring you that you’d voluntarily go back to school.”

“What can I say, Jo? You were a positive influence on me. Anything to get away from that sharp tongue of yours.”

“Really?” She wrapped her arm around his waist as the approached the zoo gates. “I happen to know for a fact that there has been a time or two when you’ve enjoyed my sharp tongue.”

“There was nothing sharp about it when I was enjoying it, Josephine.” He disengaged from her embrace and pulled out his wallet. Stepping up to the gate, he paid for their admission and held the gate open for her. “Now remember, Joey. No matter how cute you think the apes are, you’re not to crawl into their enclosure.”

“I had enough animalistic behavior living with you, thank you very much.” She moved closer to him, this time taking the hand he extended. “I don’t have any desire to get up close and personal with some hairy creature with long arms.”

“I’d better keep you away from Dawson then, I guess?” He immediately looked apologetic. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to bash on the guy. It’s a reflex honed through years of practice. I’ve been slamming Dawson since I was smart enough to form words.”

“Have you ever been that smart?” She dug her elbow into his ribs and grinned up at him. “Really, Pacey, you don’t have to walk on eggshells here. I’m not going to get mad if you mention Dawson, and I really don’t have any intention of defending him. He’s behaved just as badly as I have in all of this, and you have a right to be upset with him. But let’s just keep it to a minimum, okay?”

“Fair enough.” He opened the map and held it in front of her. “Where to first?”

“Reptile house?”

“You’re a sick woman, Joey.”

“I had to be to marry you.”

“You have a point there.” They walked through the door to the reptile house, both remaining quiet as they passed all the exhibits. Pacey felt Joey shiver and put his arm around her. “Freaking out?” he whispered, his breath brushing her ear.

“A little.”

“Why do you do this to yourself, Jo? You know it always freaks you out, yet you do it anyway.”

“Facing my fears, Pacey.”

He guided the way out of the enclosure and started toward the African set up. The sun was bright, drying up all the evidence of the last night’s rain. The grassy area was full of animals, all sunning themselves on rocks. Several lion cubs were chasing each other, jumping over the lionesses.

Joey watched them for a long time, leaning on the glass that separated them from the animals. “You know, it’s beautiful. I mean, they’ve managed to create something just like what they’d live in out in the wild, but they’re still in a cage.”

“Nobody’s truly free, Joey. We’ve all got cages and ties and holds on our lives, our hearts. It’s the same for everyone and everything. The lion, for example? King of the jungle. There’s a job description to live up to, if I’ve ever heard one.”

She giggled softly and moved closer. “I suppose. But it’s still kind of sad to see them here.”

“Come on. We’ll go watch the monkeys.”

“You’re obsessed with them, aren’t you?”

“I modeled my behavior after them. They’re a better family than mine, so why not?”

“Monkeys have better manners than you.”

“I’ve never once thrown my feces,” he reminded her. “Except at that one frat party, but I’m sure that was the tequila more than any natural instinct.”

“You’re so disgusting, Pacey.”

His grin was straight out of high school. “Thanks. I try.”

**

“Your family resemblance is uncanny,” Joey teased as Pacey made faces at the orangutans. “It must feel just like coming home.”

“You married me, Jo. If you really feel that way, what does that say about your taste in men?”

“I have none?” She squeezed his hand, then released it as she headed off toward the gorilla enclosure. They watched for a while, laughing as the young gorillas tried impressing the chief gorilla. “You know,” she said after a while, “they remind me of all of us in high school.”

“I hate to disillusion you, but we never had an alpha male in our group.”

“Not the male, the young ones. Posturing, trying to impress the ladies. Surely that rings a few bells.”

“Well, high school boys are about as evolved.” He laughed. “So, which one am I?”

She observed them for a few more minutes, even though she had already decided. “That one.”

“Always the clown, huh?” He laughed as the one she’d chosen jumped over another gorilla and rolled down the small hill.

“Always looking for attention is more like it.”

“Hey, it worked, didn’t it? Got me hooked up with the hottest girl at Capeside High.”

“I took pity on you.”

“I was talking about you?”

Joey slapped his arm and started walking. Looking down at her watch, she sighed. “They’ll be closing up pretty soon.”

“That’s okay.” Pacey caught up with her and took her hand again. “We’ve only got one more stop.”

“I’m not going to the petting zoo.”

“The only petting you’ll be doing is to me, sweetheart,” he gave her a suggestive leer to go along with his terrible Bogart impersonation. “Just trust me.”

“The last time you said that, I ended up married to you.”

“And was that so bad?”

She didn’t respond other than to lift their joined hands and wrap his arm around her shoulders. Pacey smiled to himself and pulled her closer.

Joey leaned against him, inhaling his clean scent. “So, where are we going?”

He pointed to a covered pavilion not far from where they were. “I thought I'd show the most beautiful girl the most beautiful place.”

She blushed at the compliment. It was so easy to fall back into old habits with him. So easy to remember all the good times that had made their marriage work for so long. So easy to almost forget everything that tore it apart. Reality hit her hard and she stepped away from his arm. Pacey let her go, instinctively knowing what she was thinking.

“It’s never far away, is it?”

“What?”

“The thought of betrayal.” He kept walking, concentrating on the building in front of them. “I mean, that’s what you’re thinking right now, isn’t it? You’re remembering how I hurt you, how you hurt me? You’re thinking to yourself, remember not to trust him, Joey, because he’s already broken your heart.”

“You seem to think you know me pretty well.”

“I can read your eyes. Dawson wasn’t the only one watching you as we were growing up, you know.” Pacey stopped as the reached the pavilion. Turning to face her, he took both her hands in his. “Look, Jo. I know there’s a lot of history between us and, as much as I hate it, it’s not all good. But we called a truce today, so can we just concentrate on the here and now?”

“Every time I think about the here and now, I think about the past too.”

“Then how about we just think about the good times, huh? There were a few of those, weren’t there?”

He sounded so unsure. Joey released one of his hands and touched his chest just over his heart. “More than a few, Pacey.”

“Then they shouldn’t be too hard to remember, should they?” He stepped away from her and started toward the doors. Joey followed behind him, not looking up until they’d stepped inside the building.

“Oh, wow.”

Pacey grinned. They’d entered the butterfly pavilion and they were now surrounded by hundreds of thousands of different types, species and colors of them. Joey spun around in a slow circle, mesmerized.

“This is new?”

“Went in a few months ago. It’s modeled after one in Seattle.” He watched her, not noticing the beauty around them. All he could see was her. “You fit in here.”

“Right.”

“I thought you’d gotten over disbelieving people when they complimented you.”

“I haven’t heard it in a long time.”

“Hanging around with a lot of blind guys lately?”

She laughed and, if possible, became more beautiful in his eyes. “Not quite. Art galleries aren’t big with the blind.” She moved closer to the netting that kept the insects safe from the visitors. “You hang around with the same guys long enough, they forget that you’re a woman.”

“I hung around with you almost every day of my life, Joey. I never once forgot that you were a woman. I’d go so far as to say the mere fact that you were of the opposite sex was sheer torture most of the time.”

“I always did love torturing you.”

“Oh God. It’s bad enough that we’re separated, do you have to taunt me with our defunct sex-life too?”

Joey laughed at Pacey’s expression. “You know, you’re going to get us kicked out of here and then where will your school field trips be? I mean, I can just see you explaining to the principal, ‘I’m sorry, Dr. Wakefield, I can’t go back to the butterfly pavilion. I was kicked out for talking dirty to my wife.’”

“I think Dr. Wakefield would probably be pretty impressed, actually.” Pacey let the wife comment go by. “Shall we test the theory?”

“Only if you want to suffer the consequences of my knee reacquainting itself with your more personal areas.”

“Ouch. That’s hitting below the belt, Jo.”

“Bite me, Pacey.”

He grinned and moved to do so, sending her running for the exit, shrieking with laughter. A guard stalked toward them and Pacey hurried after her, leaving the building before he could reach them. “You’re going to get me into so much trouble.”

“Funny, I think that’s what I said when you told me to trust you last.”

“And we ended up married.”

“Was I wrong?” She asked with a laugh as she took his hand one more time. “What do you say this time we just end up getting dinner?”

“Well, only if that’s the *only* other alternative.”

**

Joey sank down into the chair Pacey held out for her, her eyes surveying the restaurant. The host had led them out to the patio and a small fence separated them from the nearby park. Candles and muted Chinese lamps gave the early evening a magical glow. “This is nice.”

“You sound surprised. Did you expect me to take you to some roadside dive?”

She grinned playfully. “Knowing your penchant for strip clubs? Yes.”

“I outgrew that phase, I’ll have you know.”

“When? Last week?”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence.” He sat opposite her. “I’ll have you know the last strip club I went to was in Dawson’s parents living room.” A look crossed over Joey’s face and he frowned. “That’s right. Not the best memory for you, is it?”

She looked at him through half-lowered lashes and Pacey felt the familiar surge of desire she always evoked in him. “Not so bad in retrospect. It was sort of the start of our relationship.”

“True.”

The waiter came over and Pacey ordered wine for both of them. Joey stared over the fence to the park beyond. “What’s going on out there?”

“Hmmm?” Pacey followed her gaze. “Oh. Concert in the park.”

“Can we go?”

“You gonna dance with me in the moonlight?”

“Depends.” Joey waited until the server poured their wine. “You gonna try and take off my toes with your giant, ungraceful feet?”

Pacey smiled at her, taking the insult without comment. “If I order for you, are you going to go on some feminist attack?”

“Only if you order something I don’t like.” She reached out and rested her hand lightly on top of his. “You know me well enough?”

He turned his hand over and held hers, his eyes never wavering from her gaze. “Better than you think, Josephine. Better than you think.”

She grinned and pushed the menu away with her free hand. “All right, Witter. Impress me.”

He released her hand and made a show of looking at the menu. She couldn’t help but smile at his antics. It almost made her forget her reason for being with him. It was almost as if things were back to normal, the way they’d been forever ago.

“Are you ready to order?”

Pacey snapped the menu shut and nodded. “I’ll have the chicken Parmesan. And the lady…” he raised his wineglass in a salute. “She’ll have the spaghetti. Extra sauce.”

Joey raised an eyebrow as the waiter gathered the menus and walked away. “What? You couldn’t find anything messier?”

“I like the thought of you all messy, Joey. What can I say?”

“You’re worse than a sex-crazed maniac. You’ve graduated to full blown horn dog, haven’t you?”

“And you thought I’d never graduate.” He took a sip of his wine and set it down, taking her hand once more. “So, did I guess right?”

“You know you did.” She looked down at their joined hands, rubbing her thumb lightly over his wrist. “I guess things don’t change, do they?”

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged, still not meeting his eyes. “You know me as well as ever. You probably know every thing you need to say to piss me off or to turn me on. Yet you’re sitting there across from me being a perfect gentleman.”

“I’m always a gentleman.”

“And so I keep wondering why. I mean, the man I married never held back anything, whether it be passion or anger. He never held back an emotion once he trusted me, because he knew I’d never betray the confidence.” She finally looked up and searched his eyes with her own. “So, tell me Pacey, do you have something to hide or something to say?”

He shook his head and laughed briefly. “You know me too well, I think.”

“Just returning the favor.”

“I guess…I know we called a truce and I don’t want to spoil the very nice mood that we’ve got going on here. I mean, I’d rather have undercurrents of tension than out and out shouting.”

“I promise not to shout.”

He looked out at the park, listening to the musicians tune their instruments. The cacophony sounded very much like his own muddled thoughts, and he wondered if they’d resolve themselves into anything like the music he’d hear fairly soon. “You’ve explained why you want the divorce – we’ve grown apart, we want different things. I disagree, but I accept it. I mean, if you’re not happy…well, in the end no one will be.”

“True.” She felt herself tense, afraid of what would come next.

“I guess the only question I have is why.”

“Why what? I thought you said you understood?”

“Not why do you want a divorce, Joey. Why don’t you want kids?” She pulled her hand away and buried it in her lap. He sighed. “Never mind.”

“No. No. I owe you an answer. Maybe if we had talked about it…not that that helps us now. I…I don’t know, Pacey. It’s not something I can really explain.”

“Well, if that’s how we would have talked about it, I’m sure it would have cleared the air between us like that.” He smiled to take the sting out of the words, although she could tell it still hurt him.

“I grew up loved. I mean, my mom loved me, my dad loved me – even if he did screw it up, Bessie loved me, Bodie loved me. Dawson’s folks loved me like I was their own daughter. Probably in large part because I acted like I was.”

“Or they figured one day you would be.”

She glanced up quickly, trying to read his expression. Unable to do so, she sighed and went on. “But underneath it all? I guess I just didn’t feel worthy or deserving of that love. It got even worse when Dawson came into the picture. And Jack. And then you. You worked really hard at making me realize I did deserve it, Pacey, but there’s still a piece of me that doesn’t believe it. It still believes that I’m just this screwed up kid from the wrong side of town, waiting for the next shoe to drop.”

He tilted his head, listening to her, watching her eyes as she spoke. He sense that this was hard for her, harder than opening up to him in the beginning of their relationship had been. Then there had been nothing to risk and everything to gain. Here it was a lifetime hanging in the balance. The wrong words could forever rip away the tenuous thread they were clinging to right now. He thought of the papers, sitting on his kitchen table, offering her freedom.

And he thought about how good it would feel to never have her go. “And when I brought the subject up?”

“I felt threatened. I mean, I felt like I wasn’t enough for you. You needed something more. And then I had the irrational fear that you wouldn’t want me or love me the same way if there was someone else that had to share your love.”

“Having a child with you would only have made me love you more, Jo.” He reached out and caught the lone tear that fell from her eye. Bringing it to his lips, he kissed it away. “Surely, somewhere inside you knew that?”

“I wanted to know it, Pacey. I did. But I just…I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself. I was so afraid when Bessie had Alexander and I kept thinking of how my life changed when he was born…I didn’t want that again. I was selfish, I know. I just wanted you.” She laughed softly, sadly. “And then, after the fight, you pulled away from me. I know now that you were hurting too. I know that you didn’t understand and if I had talked to you about it, maybe we could have…fixed it. But now…it’s too late now.”

“It’s not too late, Joey. If all that’s keeping us apart is a matter of children, I’d gladly just have you.”

“But you want more, Pacey. I know you do. I know.” She reached out and cupped his chin, running her thumb along his jaw. “And you should have it.”

“You really think I’ll find someone after you?”

“You will. You deserve to.” She tried to smile, but it came out weak. “Besides, when you started to pull away, I started to distrust you. Not because of anything you did, but because of my own fears and insecurities. And so something between us…changed, for lack of a better word. And I don’t think we can fix it.”

“I love you, Joey.”

She closed her eyes at his heartfelt words. “And I love you, Pacey. I’ll always love you.” Her brown eyes were sad when she opened them again. “But we can’t be what we were.”

“So then what are we?”

The waiter walked up and began serving them. Joey took a deep breath. Moving her hand back, she managed an honest smile. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

**

“So,” Joey swirled the spaghetti on her fork and brought it to her lips. Pausing before taking a bite, she licked the tip of the tines. “How’s the family?”

“Dysfunctional as always.” He shrugged, trying to hide the shudder of desire she evoked. He licked his lips as she slid the fork into her mouth, carefully using her tongue to guide in an errant noodle. He chuckled as a wild bit of sauce landed on her nose. Taking his napkin from his lap, he reached across the table and carefully wiped it off with the tip of his finger.

Joey didn’t move as his hand came closer, the soft cotton of the napkin brushing across her nose. She caught her lower lip between her teeth, struggling to still the rapid beating of her heart. He got to her. It was never about the grand, romantic gestures with Pacey. That was more of Dawson’s forte. Pacey was about the small things, the day to day things.

Pulling the napkin back, he surveyed her. “You’re the biggest slob, Josephine.” He brought his cloth covered fingertip to his lips and licked it. Moving it back to her face, he dabbed at the small spot of red on her chin. “How do you function in public?”

“I hire a man to clean my face after every meal. Thanks for doing it for free.” She swirled more spaghetti. “You are doing it for free, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Can I take it in trade?” He turned his attention back to his meal, watching her through his lashes as he kept his eyes on his plate. Joey gave him a speaking glance and went back to her dinner, her eyes wandering back to Pacey, back to her husband, far more than she cared to admit.

They were both surprised by the silence, perhaps more by the warmth and familiarity in it. Neither felt the need to fill the quiet with words. Strange for them both, having spent so much of their lives talking. Finally, Joey broke the stillness as the band began to play not that far away. “What would I trade for it?”

He looked up, startled by her voice. A soft grin played across his lips and he raised an eyebrow. “Well, let me think here…I do have a reputation to live up to.”

“I don’t know that sex is the best thing for us,” she reminded him.

“I don’t know that, Joey. Sex with us was always pretty good, to say the least.” His smile turned to an impish grin and he pushed his empty plate away. “You have to admit that.”

“I don’t have to admit anything, Mr. Witter.” She basked in his smile before turning toward the park. “They’re starting. Shall we have dessert and listen to them or shall we just go dance?”

“I have strawberries at home,” he reminded her. “I say we trip the light fantastic.”

“I’ve seen you dance. You’re definitely using the wrong adjective there.”

He motioned for the check and handed the waiter his credit card. “You haven’t seen me in three months, haven’t talked to me in six. You really think you still know me so well?”

She nodded, smirking all the while. “You haven’t changed since sixth grade, Pacey. Still governed by your hormones, still ruled by the larger brain between your legs.”

His hand stilled for a second then he finished signing the bill. “Shall we go?”

Joey was immediately defensive. “What?”

“Nothing, Jo. Let’s just go. We’ll dance, I’ll embarrass you as always, we’ll go home, we’ll get divorced.” He stood up and practically jerked her chair out from under her as she stood as well. “Then you can go on to find someone a little more to your liking.”

She stared after him as he started out of the restaurant, her confusion plain on her face. Hurrying after him, she caught up just as he walked out the front doors. “Pacey!” When he didn’t answer, she jogged toward him and caught his arm. Forcing him to face her, she searched his face for answers, worried when she saw nothing – no emotion at all. “Pacey?”

“That’s what it’s really about, isn’t it?” He shook off her arm and headed for the concert area, not caring if she was following. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

“Believe what, Pacey?”

He whirled around, anger in his eyes. “You believe I’m still the same fuck up I was in high school. You believe that, no matter how much I’ve done or learned or become, I’m still Dawson’s stupid little sidekick, incapable of succeeding at anything.”

“No, Pacey…”

“You’ve always believed that, Jo. I mean, come on, let’s think about all the disparaging comments you made about me back then, shall we? Oh wait, I’m probably too imbecilic to count that high, aren’t I?”

“What?” She caught up again and ran in front of him, forcing him to stop. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m the stupid one, Joey. Quit playing dumb.”

“No. You’re going to have to explain this to me in words of one syllable, because I’m not following it at all.”

He grabbed her hand and pressed it against his crotch, forcing her to feel him, feel the arousal he wasn’t able to contain when he was with her. “This, Joey.” He practically hissed the words. “That’s all it was with us, right? That’s all you think I’m capable of? I think with my dick and you know it. You’ve always known it. I guess I should be grateful that I was a good enough fuck to keep you interested for as long as I did.”

Joey pulled her hand away and slapped him, her breath fast and furious. “How dare you. How dare you say such things about me and about us? I married you because I loved you, not because of how good you were in bed. If all I wanted was you to fuck me, Pacey, I wouldn’t have had to marry you.” Her brown eyes darkened with tears. “Why would you ever…” The words she’d spoken in the restaurant came back to her. “Oh, Pacey…”

He didn’t answer other than to step away from her, putting distance between them. She followed him with her eyes, wishing she could see his.

“Pacey, you’re not the same person you were back in high school. You’re not the same person you were in college. But you’re still the man I love, the man I married.” She walked over to him, resting her hand on his arm, sliding her hand down to lace with his. Her fingers found the cool metal of his wedding band and she rubbed it without thought. “You’ve become quite a man, Pacey Witter. Much more than most anyone in Capeside ever suspected you would. But those of us who knew you? You didn’t surprise us at all.” He looked up into her eyes and Joey almost flinched at the pain in them. “I believe I told you forever ago that you’d get out of Capeside and you’d make something of yourself. And you have.”

“They…” his whispered words danced on the air. “They say you can do anything with the love of a good woman.”

“I don’t know if I was all that good, but I’ll take the compliment.”

His arm went around her shoulders and he headed for the concert, pushing the hurt away once more, locking the compliments away in his heart. “Who said I was talkin’ about you, Josephine?”

“I have it on good authority that no other woman in from Capeside to college would ever touch you.”

“Oh yeah? And who’s authority would that be?”

Her arm slid around his waist and she hooked her thumb through his belt loop. “Mine. Because I think I warned every one of them that if they so much as looked at you, I’d rip their pretty little hearts out of their perky little bodies.”

“God, I love a forceful woman.”

“Is that why I always got to be on top?”

Pacey felt the heat of a blush cover his cheeks and almost laughed at the absurdity of it. He lowered his head to whisper softly in her ear. “You weren’t always on top.”

“You always liked it better when I was.”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “With you on top, I got a much better view.”

**

Joey sighed happily, smiling up at Pacey as he wrapped his arm around her. She moved closer, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “I never thought I’d see you voluntarily listening to this kind of music. I thought you were classic rock all the way.”

His lips grazed her ear, “I’ve grown as a person.”

She giggled and he pulled her closer. She gave him a knowing look. “Oh really?”

“Oh yeah. I’m all cultured now.”

“Right. Like yogurt is cultured.”

“You wound me, Josephine.”

“Only when you’re naughty.” She laughed as Pacey’s eyebrows shot up. “Kidding, Witter. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Damn.”

Noticing other people moving toward the dance floor, Joey leaned forward and watched them. She looked back at Pacey, who shrugged. “What do you say, Mr. Cultured? You want to put those Starlight lessons to good use?”

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Ribcages touching?”

She stood and grabbed his hand, leading him to the dance floor. Walking around the crowd, she pulled him toward her when they reached the outer edge of the dance floor.

Pacey gathered Joey into his arms, his left hand settling into the small of her back. Joey pressed close to him, resting her head on his chest, listening to the soft beating of his heart.

They moved together easily, years of exploring each other’s bodies coming together in one simple dance.

Feeling her hand slide under his shirt and lightly stroke his lower back, Pacey squeezed Joey’s hand and brought it up to his chest, holding her closer. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her hair, kissing her softly as he inhaled her sweet scent.

 

***

Good night, my love, the tired old moon is descending.   
Good night, my love, my moment with you is now ending.   
It was so heavenly, holding you close to me.   
It will be heavenly to hold you again in a dream.

***  
Joey shivered in his arms, despite the warm night. Her fingers ran up and down his spine, dancing over his lower back. The warm, silky skin was like a haven for her and she lost herself in the feel of him.

His lips were whisper soft on her hair and she could feel his breath as he hummed along with the music.

With gentle fingers, Pacey tugged Joey’s shirt from her jeans and slipped his hand underneath it. She inhaled sharply as he touched her, his hand flat on her skin, guiding her even closer.

***  
The stars above have promised to meet us tomorrow.  
Till then, my love, how dreary the new day will seem.   
So for the present, dear, we'll have to part.   
Sleep tight, my love, good night, my love,   
Remember that you're mine, sweetheart.

***  
She released his hand and smoothed her palm over his chest before moving it up to his shoulder. With trembling fingers, she touched the hairs on the nape of his neck. Pacey shuddered, bending further forward and wrapping both arms around her. His other hand slid under her shirt, and murmured her name in a hot breath against her neck.

Joey dug her nails into Pacey’s back and moved her head up so that she could taste the pulse rapidly beating in his neck. Her tongue darted out and traced the vein, working its way up to the hollow beneath his ear.

Pacey’s teeth nibbled her sensitive skin and her whole body shook with reaction. Pulling back enough to look at him, she lost herself in his heated blue gaze. She managed a half smile, her teeth capturing her lower lip.

Bringing one hand around, Pacey brushed her lip with his thumb. “No,” he whispered quietly. “Bite me.”

She caught his thumb between her teeth and licked it. Letting it go reluctantly, she smiled, her breath still shaky. “Isn’t that my line?”

He shook his head and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Potter? Could you please just kiss me?”

She nodded until his lips found hers. They seemed to melt together, become one, as his tongue brushed her lips, parting them. Her fingers laced through his hair, holding him close as he let his tongue explore the contours of her mouth.

Pacey licked the roof of Joey’s mouth, trying not to smile as she whimpered in response. He pulled away, sucking on her lower lip, prolonging the contact. Bending his head once more, he touched his lips to hers then winced and pulled away quickly.

Joey stumbled as Pacey whipped away from her, his eyes searching. Looking down, she noticed a Frisbee at his feet. She picked it up and held it out to him. He grabbed it and was about to say something when a young girl jogged up to him.

“Oh. Hey Misder Widder.”

His face changed, a genuine smile lighting it. “Hello, Alicia.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s all right.”

The blonde turned her gaze toward Joey and frowned. “Who’s she?”

Pacey turned to Joey. “Alicia, this is Joey. Joey, this is Alicia. She’s in my class.”

Joey bit her lower lip to keep herself from smiling. Alicia was definitely blonde, but it did little to make up for the braids that stuck out on the sides of her head, the huge glasses, mouthful of braces, nasal twinge and runny nose. It also did nothing to hide the fact that she had a huge crush on Pacey. She could almost feel the breeze from her batting her eyelashes. “Nice to meet you, Alicia.”

“Tank you.” She sniffed and smiled up at Pacey. “My mob said that I could go on the pield trip next week.”

“That’s great.” Pacey nodded, devoting his whole attention to the young girl. “You’ll like it.”

“Dat’s what she said. Are you Misder Widder’s girlfred?”

Joey looked quickly at Pacey then back down at Alicia. “Sort of. I’m his wife.”

“Oh.” Alicia’s face fell and she looked down at the ground. “I see. Well, I should…could I…could I have my Frisbee back, Misder Widder?”

“Of course.” Pacey handed it to her with a smile. “Be careful.”

She nodded and sighed heavily as she turned around. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Bye Alicia.”

She walked away, her shoulders slumped. Joey elbowed Pacey in the ribs and nodded in Alicia’s direction. “I see you’re still big on fostering that student-teacher relationship.”

“That’s very funny, Josephine.”

She took his hand. “Come one.”

“Where are we going?”

She started off after Alicia, tugging him along after her. “We, Misder Widder, are going to play Frisbee.”

He pointed back at the dance floor. “But…but…there was kissing…”

She nodded. “There was.”

“And now there’s not?”

“Well, I think Alicia might kiss you, but felony is such a dirty word. As you so well know.”

Pacey sighed and glared at her. “I’d hate to see what you’d do and say to me if you didn’t like me, Joey.”

“Just think back to high school. It’ll come back to you then.”

**

“Hey Mr. Witter!”

A group of about ten people were standing around waiting for Alicia’s return. Pacey grinned as he recognized several of his students and even more kids that he knew just from around school. He waved, smiling at Alicia as she turned around.

“Misder Widder?”

“I hope you guys don’t mind. Alicia here asked us if we’d like to play and I couldn’t refuse.”

“Because you’ve got the average attention span of a sixth grader, right?” Joey gave him a knowing smile. Pacey ignored her and looked at the assembled group.

“So, we just playin’ straight Frisbee, or are there rules?”

“Well, we were just tossing it around for fun,” one of the boys began.

“Fun, hmmm? Well, you know, as a teacher, it’s my duty to make sure you learn stuff whenever I’m around.” He waved away their groans and took the Frisbee from Alicia’s hands. “So I thought we could make this interesting. You guys have all played hot potato, right? Well, whoever catches the Frisbee has to say the name of a US state capital. You don’t have to name the state, just the city.”

“But…”

“And, since it’s on your quiz on Tuesday, I know you’ll want all the practice you can get.”

“What if we don’t name one or get it wrong?” Pacey tossed the disc toward Jeremy, the boy who had spoken. He caught it instinctively and said, “Tallahassee.”

“You sit out until the next game.”

Jeremy grinned at Pacey. “You’re going to make us like learning if it kills us, aren’t you?” Pacey nodded and Jeremy threw the Frisbee at another kid, continuing the game.

Pacey glanced over his shoulder at Joey. “You playin’, Josephine? I mean, you were one of the smartest girls in Capeside, you think you can hold your own against us?” He saw the Frisbee come at him out of the corner of his eye. Catching it easily, he stuck out his tongue at the girl who’d thrown it. “Albany.”

Joey shook her head. “You have fun.” Sitting down at the base of a tree, she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ll just sit here and watch.”

Pacey shrugged and turned back to the game, shouting encouragement as he circled around the group, catching the Frisbee from time to time. Mostly, he encouraged the students to do well and helped them out occasionally yelling out states to see if they could remember the information.

Joey watched him carefully; her eyes never leaving him as he wove his way through their game. She brought one hand up to her lips and felt the still swollen flesh. His kisses made her melt, made her forget everything that she was there for.

It hurt to think about the envelope that sat on his kitchen table, waiting for their truce to be over. It hurt to know that, because she’d been too stubborn, because it had been so easy to believe the worst about him, she was going to lose him.

“Mrs. Widder?”

Joey looked away from Pacey, her eyes settling on Alicia. “Hi.”

The young girl sat down next to her. “I didn’t know Misder Widder was married. Otherwise, I’d neber…”

“He thinks you’re a great student, Alicia. He likes you very much.” Joey smiled at her. “But he knows that you need to concentrate on your studies and on finding someone your own age.”

The younger girl smirked. “Right. Because I’m so beaudiful.”

“You are.” Joey bent down to meet her eyes. “You are. Pacey sees it, and so do I. And eventually, all those boys that ignore you now? They’ll see it too.” She looked out at the group of kids and noticed two of the boys staring in their direction. “Who are they?”

“Them?” Alicia smiled and pointed at the brown haired one. “That’s Jacob. He’s my best friend. I’ve known him ever since I was five.”

“And the other?”

She scowled at the blonde. “That’s Steven. I’ve known him since I was five too.”

“You don’t seem to like him as much.”

Alicia shrugged. “He’s mean to me. He picks on me all the time and makes fun of me. Of course,” she grinned, “I give as good as I get.”

Joey worked hard not to laugh at the picture she had of herself at that age. “Keep giving, Alicia, and I promise you’ll get what you deserve.”

Alicia sighed heavily and turned her gaze back to Pacey. “Did you?”

“Get what I deserve?” She nodded and Joey swallowed hard. “I don’t know that I deserved it, but I got what I wanted.”

“He has your pidgure on his desk. He didn’t por a long time, but we all knew he’d just hidden id away. He was really sad.” Alicia got to her feet and started back toward the game. A few steps away, she turned to Joey. “You make him happy.”

“It’s a mutual thing.” Joey walked toward Pacey, smiling as he saw her coming and straightened up from helping one of the boys with his throwing technique. She stopped next to him and rested her hand on his arm. “Pacey?”

“Yeah?”

“Say goodnight.”

“Goodnight?”

She nodded and leaned in, “Goodnight.”

Pacey grinned and turned toward his students. “We’re going to head out. You guys don’t stay out too late. And study up for the test on Tuesday.”

“Night, Mr. Witter!”

He waved and looked back at Joey who was grinning seductively. She stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips gently against his. “Pacey?”

He sighed quietly, “Yeah?”

“Tag.” She pushed at his chest, sending him sprawling to the ground. “You’re it.”

“You…Josephine!” He leapt to his feet and took off after her, chasing her back toward his apartment. She was running and weaving, keeping in front of him. Soft taunts would drift back to him on the air, breathless promises that reminded him of making love to her. Increasing his speed, he caught up with her just as they reached the door of his apartment.

Joey gasped for air, her eyes dancing as she looked at him. He grabbed her arms and held them above her head, effectively pinning her to the door. Leaning down, he ran his tongue over her lower lip, resisting the temptation to kiss her as her lips parted.

“Now you’re it.”

She licked her own lips, her brown eyes searching his. Her heart pounded in her chest and her body ached for him. Unable to move her arms, she arched her body upward, pressing it against his. “Pacey?”

He paused before answering, catching his breath from her blatant invitation. “Potter?”

“Make love to me?”

He released her hands and fumbled for the keys in his pocket. Unlocking the door as quickly as he could, he pushed it open then turned back to her. Sweeping her up into his arms, he stepped into the apartment and kicked the door shut behind them. “I never did carry you over the threshold, did I?”

“Not here.”

He headed for the bedroom, his intentions clear in his eyes, his desire echoed in hers. “There’s another one I never carried you over.”

She looked at the bedroom door and the bed they’d shared beyond it. “I’d say it’s about time, wouldn’t you?”


	3. Sunday

Joey woke up suddenly, her hands clenched into fists, gripping the sheets tenaciously. A shudder ran through her body and she lifted her head from the pillow, only to find herself staring into Pacey’s guileless blue eyes.

He grinned at her and lowered his head once more, turning his attention back to what he’d been doing before she’d slipped out of what she’d thought was her overactive subconscious mind. She shivered as his tongue traced a lazy pattern around her clitoris, barely brushing the sensitive skin.

Closing her eyes again, she spread her legs further apart, bracing the soles of her feet on the bed. Pacey’s hands curved under the smooth skin of her ass, holding her as he nuzzled her swollen labia. As Joey moaned softly, Pacey brought his hands around and, very delicately, used his thumbs to part the rosy flesh so that his tongue could slip inside her.

“God…Pacey…” she breathed, pounding her fists into the mattress. He ignored her cries; two fingers gently replacing his tongue as it slid back up to tease the hard nub again. She gave up all pretense of calm, her breath coming in shallow gasps, as his fingers stroked her. The gentle pads of his fingertips smoothed along the tight passage, finding nerves and favorite places. Carefully slipping a third finger in, he let his thumb take over for his tongue as Joey writhed on the bed, her whole body shaking with tension.

She moved her legs, crossing them over him, holding him in place as she arched off the bed, her orgasm buffeting her. She dug her heels into his back as she continued to shake, only easing up the pressure as he ceased teasing her clit and carefully pulled his hand away.

Joey forced her legs back down to his sides and managed to raise herself up onto her elbows. “You’re evil, you do know that, right?”

“What can I say?” Pacey licked his lips, looking self-satisfied and innocent all at once. “I was hungry, but I didn’t want to get out of bed.”

“You’re awful.”

“Yeah, I could tell. You just hated that.” He grabbed her right leg and lifted it over him so that he could roll off the bed. Standing up, he winked at her. “You hungry?”

“You cooking?”

He pouted and looked forlornly down at his very prominent erection. Joey laughed and slapped him playfully on the thigh.

“Feed me first, Witter. Then we’ll talk about everything else.” Pacey grabbed his robe and started to put it on. Joey grabbed the material and shook her head. “Nuh-uh, Pacey. I want to see that ass wiggle when you walk.”

He slapped his behind and shook his head. “Rock hard, Jo.”

She sat up and reached around him, her hand running down the length of his erection. “This is rock hard, Pacey. These…” she pinched his behind with her other hand. “These are just okay.”

He shrugged. “Hmm, and I use those muscles far more than I use this one.” He reluctantly removed her hand from his penis and started toward the kitchen.

“Sure you do, Pacey.” She leaned back against the pillows and watched him. He was gathering handfuls of various foods and it was all she could do not to laugh as the cold containers touched his bare skin. “You mean to tell me that you haven’t spent any time these past six months…exercising that particular muscle?”

“You first.” He kicked the refrigerator door shut and headed back toward the bathroom, his arms laden with food. “You been…keeping yourself warm at night?”

“From time to time.”

He dumped his armload onto the end of the bed. “And who do you think about?”

Leaning forward, Joey grabbed the carton of ice cream. “Oh, I fantasize about you, me and Jen in a threesome.”

Pacey practically choked on the strawberry he’d taken a bite of. “What?”

She laughed at his strangled voice. “Kidding. Sheesh. You men are all alike.” Digging through the food he’d brought, she raised an eyebrow. “No spoons? How am I supposed to eat ice cream without a spoon?”

Pacey grabbed all the food from the bed and moved it to his nightstand. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took the carton from Joey’s hands and took off the lid. Crooking his finger, he scooped a portion of it up and held it to her lips. “Like this.”

Joey took his finger into her mouth and licked it clean of ice cream then sucked on the cool skin. Pacey closed his eyes until she was done then he took two fingers and scooped even more out. Joey cleaned his fingers again, sliding her tongue between them.

Pacey moved slightly, withdrawing his fingers from her mouth. Scooping up more, he licked his own fingers and bent forward, kissing her. Her tongue darted into his mouth, licking his tongue and the ice cream all together. When it was gone, he scooped more and pushed her gently back onto the bed. Joey lay down, watching in shivery anticipation as he used the ice cream to decorate her body, lacing her stomach and chest with vanilla.

Surveying his rapidly melting handiwork, Pacey nodded and set the ice cream down. Reaching for a jar on the nightstand, he popped it open and dug out a maraschino cherry. Placing it in her belly button, he smiled. “You’re starting to melt, Josephine.”

She grabbed his hand and licked the juice from the cherries off his fingers. “Better lick me then.”

He straddled her legs and lay on top of her, his tongue lapping softly on her stomach and sides, catching the ice cream before it ran down her body onto the sheets. Joey closed her eyes and thrust up against him, aching to take his head in her hands and guide it to her breasts. Her nipples seemed to throb with desire, and all she wanted was to feel his mouth on her again.

Sensing her need, Pacey worked his way quickly over her stomach, plucking the cherry from her belly button with his tongue and teeth. Moving up her body, he pressed the cherry to her lips, pausing only to watch her tongue dart out and encircle it, before kissing his way down to the hard peak of her nipple.

Joey cried out as he wrapped his tongue around her right breast. He teased it with his teeth, worrying the taut flesh of her nipple as he caressed the tip of it with soft licks. Pulling away, he flicked his tongue over the whole of her breast, swirling it as if it were an ice cream cone. Joey was panting hard as he teased her, until she couldn’t stand any more. Her hand slipped between their bodies and she found his erection, hard and eager from their activities.

With an easy, even grip, she began stroking him, forcing Pacey to abandon her breast for a moment while he struggled for air. Her thumb swiped across the tip and she released him just long enough to bring it to her mouth and taste him. Pacey shuddered and moved to her other breast, lavishing the same treatment on it.

Joey changed hands as he changed sides, gripping him with just enough pressure to change his breathing from rapid and shallow to impassioned gasps. He thrust into her hand, enjoying the feel of it, but wanting more. Pulling away quickly, he moved over her again and slipped easily between her parted thighs. Joey lifted her hips for him, inviting him inside her, and Pacey complied, exhaling slowly as he entered her.

Her body tightened, still unused to the feel of him. His shallow thrusts eased her tenseness and she found his rhythm, joining him. Changing to a deeper thrust, Pacey kept his movements slow, prolonging the agony and ecstasy for them both. Joey licked the length of his throat, kissing his chin before falling back toward the bed. Pacey shivered and thrust harder, deeper, wrapping one hand around the back of her head and bringing her body completely against his.

Her arms went around his back, holding him as he lowered them both all the way down. Bending her knees, Joey matched his strokes even more forcefully. Pacey groaned and pulled away, bracing both arms on the bed for more leverage. They met like collisions meet - explosive and dangerous, hot and hard. They’d spent years testing each other’s limits and endurance and now strove only to find them and surpass them.

Arching up, Joey ground her body against his, wanting him to lose control. Pacey felt the telltale tingling in his legs that always preceded losing himself in her, and increased his pace until he felt her body clamp tight around him, signaling her release. Growling her name, he let loose, still thrusting as they bathed in each other’s orgasms.

Joey’s body jerked as they fell back onto the bed, Pacey’s weight on top of her. “You know,” she panted, still short of breath, “How they say absence makes the heart grow fonder?” He nodded, unable to speak. “I wonder why they never mentioned that it also did this?”

**

Joey reached over and grabbed the jar of maraschino cherries. Bringing it closer, she set it on Pacey’s back and used to fingers to fish out a cherry.

“Here.” She painted his lips with the juice, staining them a rosy red. Pacey captured her fingers between his lips and sucked the cherry from her grasp. She closed her eyes and sighed happily as he cleaned her sticky fingers. “I’m surprised I got one, you know.”

He pulled his head back and looked at her, his eyebrow cocked in question. Joey moved the jar back to the nightstand and shrugged.

“The cherry. I know it’s your favorite.”

“Given the choice between the two of you?” Pacey bent his head and nibbled her neck. “You win.”

She giggled as his warm breath tickled her. Pushing him off of her, she got off the bed and gathered up all the food he’d brought in. “Pacey? I understand the ice cream, the whipped cream, the strawberries and the cherries.” She held up a jar. “But peanut butter?”

“I thought you might really be hungry and not just trying to seduce me.” He shrugged and sat on the end of the bed. “Thought I’d play it safe.”

She laughed softly as she leaned over and kissed him. “I’m going to put all this stuff away.”

“I’ll warm up the shower.”

She headed for the kitchen, blowing him another kiss over her shoulder. “It’s a safe bet I’ll join you.”

Joey listened to the sound of the shower, slipping the food back into the refrigerator and freezer. As she turned around to join him, her gaze fell on the envelope – her reason for being here – that was lying on the kitchen table. She ran her fingers over it, staring in the direction of the bathroom.

She’d known, or at least hoped, that by coming here, they could repair some of what had been damaged between them. What she hadn’t known was how much seeing him would affect her; how easy it would be to forget everything that had happened and go back to the feelings that bound them together.

She’d forgotten how easy it was to love him.

“Jo?” Pacey poked his head out of the bathroom door. “Come on it. The water’s fine.”

She walked over to him, pushing her heavy thoughts away. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and she was safely cocooned with him. “You promise not to drown me?”

“I’ll do my best.” He opened the door more so that she could slip inside the steamy room. It was like fingers of silky heat enfolding her as the lightly scented air settled around her. Pacey took her hand and, opening the shower door, led her inside.

The heat intensified, and she shivered. Pacey guided her under the spray and watched in admiration as the water cascaded down her body.

Joey bent her head forward, letting the sharp sting of the water massage her neck. She moaned softly and closed her eyes.

Pacey reached behind her and grabbed the soap. Working it into a nice lather, he pulled Joey slightly forward, out of the spray, and knelt at her feet.

Tears stung her eyes. She didn’t even have to look to see him there. This was their ritual ever since the night he’d proposed to her, kneeling in the shower at her feet.

Pacey couldn’t force himself to look at her face as he let the memories wash over him. He’d nearly lost the damn ring in the soap suds, and he’d definitely swallowed his share of water when she’d knelt down to say yes, letting the full force of the shower hit him in the face.

Slowly, Pacey began rubbing her feet with lather-covered hands, washing her silky skin with the gentlest of touches. Joey reached out, gripping the soap holder as h his hands moved over her long legs. His soapy fingers massaged her calves before making their way up to her thighs. He reached around her to wash the back, his hot breath stirring the downy hairs at the apex of her thighs.

Shivering, she transferred her grip to his shoulders as he moved his hands to the tight curve of her ass. Squeezing gently, he pulled her closer as his lips moved up to brush the soft skin of her stomach.

Feeling her reaction, Pacey carefully got to his feet, running his hands up her back as he did so. Joey opened her eyes and stared up into his. “I think you missed a spot,” she whispered.

“Not finished.” He stepped back, bringing his hands around to the slope of her stomach.

“You’re all out of lather,” she didn’t recognize her own voice, deep and husky with desire.

Pacey nodded as his hands cupped her breasts, his thumbs finding the hard nipples instinctively. He bent his head so that his lips found the pulse of her throat. “Right.” His tongue lapped the warm water from her skin. “Because this is all about getting clean.”

She laughed throatily and moved closer to him, pushing him back toward the wall of the shower. “It is.” She pulled away from his intoxicating touch and grabbed the soap.

Pacey grinned as he leaned back against the wall. “And here I thought you liked me all dirty.”

“Dirty has its moments,” she agreed, lathering up her hands before setting the soap back on the ledge. Reaching down, she captured his semi-erect penis in her hand and began stroking it. “But then, so does clean.”

“Clean…clean is good.” Pacey grabbed her hips and pulled her closer, trapping her hand between them. “Clean would be better when I’ve had some recovery time.”

“You’re no fun.” She pouted and stepped back, letting the spray hit her again.

“You say things like that to force me to prove you wrong, don’t you?” He joined her, turning her sideways so they could share the spray. He pulled her against him, holding her close. One hand tangled in her wet hair and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Pacey bent his head, resting it against hers. He closed his eyes, memorizing the feel of her as the water trickled between them.

“Pacey?”

He shook his head slightly, “Don’t spoil it, Jo.”

“I love you.”

He pulled her closer, convincing himself that the warmth of her tears that he felt was nothing more than the shower spray.

**

Wrapping a towel around her hair, Joey stepped out of the shower. Pacey followed, grabbing the other towel out of her hands.

“Pacey!”

He grinned and held his arms open, offering her his embrace. “C’mere.” His arms enfolded her, and he stared over her shoulder into the foggy mirror. “God, you’re gorgeous.”

“Yeah, well, I think all that hot water has made your brain soggy.”

He rolled his eyes and started rubbing her dry with the towel. “I refuse to believe that you still don’t know how sexy you are.”

She shrugged. “It’s not that. It’s just when it comes from someone who knew me when I…wasn’t.”

“You always have been, Jo.”

“Right.”

“Just because a certainfriend took forever to notice you…”

“This isn’t about Dawson, Pacey. It’s about how I felt about myself back then.”

“I would think it would be easier for you, if that was the case. We’ve seen you changing, growing into yourself.” She just shrugged, and he shook his head. “I have been head over heels in love with you since our junior year of high school. And I don’t even want to talk about how long I was in denial before that.”

“Denial, huh?” She turned her head and kissed his chin. “So all that groping when we were making Dawson’s first movie was intentional?”

“Oh yeah. And I know you were just trying to hide those repressed emotions yourself when you refused to kiss me.”

“You’re still in denial.” She took the towel and swiped his chest with it. “I’ve never had a thing for you.”

“Is that why you practically put that redhead in the hospital?”

“That was…she was…that was just,” she gave him a self-deprecating grin. “She was trying to get into your pants.”

Taking her hand, Pacey led her back into the bedroom. “At the time, so were you.”

“Shall I remind you who won the catfight?” She stretched out on the bed, arching her back just slightly.

Pacey lay down beside her, resting his hand on her smooth stomach. “May I remind you who,” he slid his hand down and let his fingers slip through the dark hairs to part the swollen flesh that surrounded her hard clit. She shuddered, her muscles tightening. Pacey grinned and continued. “Reaped the benefits of my…appreciation for the catfight?”

She writhed beneath his touch, “You were pretty turned on.”

“And may I remind you,” he smirked with satisfaction as she arched forward, shaking with release. He lifted his hand to his lips and tasted her as her breathing slowly returned to normal. “You were the one who drew blood raking your nails down my back.”

She turned her head to look at him, “Complaining?”

He traced her lips with his finger. His blue eyes were as warm and soft as his touch. “No complaints.”

Joey sighed contentedly and kissed his finger. “So, now that we’re both exhausted, Mr. Witter, what do you propose we do?”

“Well, I…I sort of have to grade papers.” He laughed at her look. “Those were my wild plans for this weekend. I wasn’t expecting…company.”

“Sorry I came?”

He laughed at the double entendre, “Never sorry for that, Josephine.” Kissing her nose, he got off the bed and headed into the living room. She raised herself onto one elbow and watched him. He grabbed his papers and turned around, stopping as he saw her appreciative stare.

“You just get better with age, Pacey.” He started to respond when she interrupted him. “Of course, you couldn’t have gotten much worse.”

“Thanks very much.” He smirked at her and walked back into the bedroom and lay on his stomach, looking at her over his shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

She sat up, slapping his ass as she did so. “Bastard.”

“Love you too.”

She walked to her bags and grabbed a T-shirt. After pulling it over her head, she grabbed her sketchpad and sank into the chair by the bed. Flipping it open, she leafed through the pages, looking for a clean one.

She stopped as she came to a sketch she’d done just after leaving Pacey. It was the last time she’d drawn. In fact, since Dawson had picked her up from the train station that night, she hadn’t been able to put anything down on paper.

She traced the pencil lines with her fingers, softening them. It was a strong male form holding a child. She’d never drawn without a model, but the need to get the image onto paper had consumed her. Smiling at the picture, she brushed a few more lines before turning to a fresh page.

Pacey couldn’t help but watch her. There was something sad in her eyes as she stared at her sketchpad, but she turned the page and it was gone.

He turned his attention back to the papers in front of him and forced himself to concentrate on something other than her.

“What are the papers on?”

“The influence of music during the learning process.”

“Pretty heavy stuff for sixth graders, isn’t it?”

“Nope. We’ve been piping various educationally-themed songs through the classroom, and we gave them a test on Friday to see how much had sunk in.”

“Sneaky.”

“I figure if music can teach them, I can just sit at my desk and rake in the dough.”

“Because you got into teaching for the money.”

“Right. The money, the perks and the sexy chicks.” He held up one test. “For example, what is a noun?”

“A person, place or thing.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Mrs. Grady’s English class.”

“And the direct lyrical phrasing has absolutely no relation to the inundation with and re-emergence in popularity of ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ while we were in school?”

Joey laughed. “Maybe.”

“We’re experimenting. Seeing how much they retain and how much of it comes back in lyrical form.”

She continued drawing, darting quick glances at him. “Pretty smart. You think that all up by your lonesome?”

“I’m not as stupid as I look.” He turned back to the papers. “What are you drawing?”

“Still life.”

“I thought you were maybe trying to capture my sexy form on paper.”

“You're not even fit for black velvet.” She tucked her feet under her and ran a hand through her hair. “Now shut up and just lie there.”

He grinned and lay there obediently. “Yes ma’am.” Joey flipped him off and turned her attention back to her sketch. “Nice manners, babe.”

“Pacey? Do I need to come over there and kick your ass?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Promise?”

Joey ignored him and kept drawing. Pacey went back to his papers. They worked in silence, both comfortable with each other’s presence. After a couple of hours, Joey set her pad down and stood up, stretching. Pacey rolled onto his side and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Well? Can I see?”

She shook her head as she handed it to him. “No.”

He took it and opened the book, leafing though pictures he hadn’t seen in so long. He stopped at one of the view from the bedroom they’d shared. “I love this one.”

She knelt just slightly behind him, resting her hand on his thigh and her chin on his shoulder. “Me too.”

He continued looking, stopping when he reached the one she’d drawn the night she’d left him. His finger traced the picture as hers had and Joey watched him intently. “You didn’t give him a face.”

“I didn’t think he needed one.”

Pacey turned the page to her new drawing and caught his breath. It was him, just as the previous one so obviously was. Yet somehow he knew Joey didn’t realize it. “Is this really how you see me?”

“Normally you look more annoying.” She played with the hairs on his leg, sending chills along his spine. “But…sometimes, yeah.”

“I wish I could show you how I see you.”

She took the pad away from him then settled into his lap. Her fingertips smoothed his brows then brushed lightly over his eyelids. “You do. Right here.”

He stared at her, something painful behind all the other emotion. “Joey?” She nodded and he brushed her bottom lip with his thumb. “Boy or girl?”

She started, jerking away from his touch. “What?”

He tilted his head toward the sketchpad. “In the picture. The baby? Boy or girl?”

“Oh.” She nodded. “Boy, I think.”

He wrapped his arms around her and lay back, pulling her with him. “Boy sounds good.”

“Food sounds good.”

His stomach rumbled in response, and he grinned. “Chinese?”

**

Joey speared a mushroom with her chopsticks and lifted it to her mouth. “You could have asked for forks.”

“I’ll have you know that I have earned a reputation with this particular restaurant, and I have no intention of letting your complete inability to use chopsticks ruin it.” He grabbed the carton away from her and took the chopsticks. Carefully gathering a portion of food on them, he held them out for Joey.

She gratefully accepted the food and watched him as she ate. “You could just show me how to do it.”

“I could, but I don’t relish spending the night washing Chinese food out of my sheets.” He took a bite himself. “Just go get a fork out of the kitchen.”

“No.” She pouted and poked him in the ribs. “If you were a nice guy, you’d go get it for me.”

“If I were a nice guy, you wouldn’t have married me.” He held out another bite. “Open wide.”

Joey wrapped her lips around the chopsticks and closed her eyes in happiness. “On second thought,” she chewed quickly and swallowed. “I kind of like this arrangement.”

“What? The one where I’m doing all the work?”

She nodded. Pacey shook his head and offered her some more. Joey leaned over and kissed him before eating, forcing him to smile. “Better?”

“I suppose.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“How?”

She shook her head and opened her mouth. Pacey rolled his eyes and fed her then took a bite himself. They finished the all three containers that way. Pacey saved the chow mien for last, purposely dropping the warm noodles from the chopsticks then leaning down to lick them off her breasts and stomach. “You’re doing that on purpose.”

He opened his eyes wide, struggling to look innocent. “Me? No.”

She shoved him playfully. “Where are the fortune cookies?”

“Impatient for dessert, are you?”

She ignored his cocked eyebrow as she gathered the empty cartons and set them beside the bed. Bringing her legs up to her chest, she pulled her shirt over them and wrapped her arms around them. “Come on, Pacey. Don’t you want to know your fortune?”

“They’re never fortunes anymore, Jo. They’re just pithy little sayings to make people feel better about themselves. Fortunes have gone the way of the dinosaur, replaced by the need of the populace to boost their low self esteem, all of which is brought on by the media’s obvious depiction of the exception as the rule."

She rolled her eyes. “I promise not to think I need to be as skinny as a supermodel if you just give me the damn cookie.”

He laughed and handed one to her. He watched her open it and eat the outside quickly before looking at the small scrap of paper. “You remember the teachings of Marcus.”

She laughed and blushed. “Yeah. Some of the stuff seeped through the influence of the sake.”

He opened his cookie and ate it, following their friend’s belief that if you read the fortune before eating the cookie it wouldn’t come true. “You go first.”

Unfolding the paper, she gave him a quick grin. “You are as beautiful as a supermodel, no matter how many fortune cookies you eat.”

“Joey.”

“No sense of humor, I swear.” She leaned against him, snuggling closer as he wrapped his arm around her. She held it out so that he could read it as well. “The best way to get rid of an old enemy is to make a new friend.”

“See? No fortune.” Pacey sighed at the injustice of it all. “What is the world coming to when even fortune cookies are false advertising?”

“Just read yours.”

He unfolded it, sharing it with her as she had done with him. “Your fondest desire will be made reality.” They sat in silence, neither willing to look at each other. “I already married my fondest desire,” he whispered. “I don’t know that I deserve a second chance at it.”

Joey bowed her head and fought back the tears that threatened. “Pacey…”

“Right.” He released her and stood up. “Too much water under the bridge, right? I mean…”

“No. No.” She stood up as well, facing him across the bed as she had the night she left. “What we have…had…have, I don’t know, Pacey. I came here this weekend to try and put everything in place, figure out where we stood. I love you, more than I ever thought was possible to love anyone.”

“Even Dawson?”

“Even Dawson. But Pacey, there’s been so much between us, and I don’t know how to let myself trust you again. And I know that it’s ridiculous because you’ve never done anything that would make me *not* trust you, not really. But I have this stupid voice in my head that keeps telling me that you’re going to break my heart.”

“Dawson!”

“No. No.” She shook her head, unable to stop the tears that had started falling. “Me. My voice. My voice from when I was a sixteen year old girl, scared to death that the other shoe was going to drop and I was going to lose everything I loved.”

“I’m not going to leave you. Joey, you’re the only woman I could ever be with. I don’t look at them, I don’t think about them. My God, I close my eyes at night and all I see is you. You’re every desire, every fantasy. You’re all I want. All I’ll ever want.”

She walked around the bed, reaching out to touch his face. He didn’t care that she was seeing his tears, didn’t care that he’d lost the control he’d fought so hard to find after she’d gone and not come back. “Please don’t ask me this? Not now?”

“When? After the papers are signed?” He jerked away from her touch. Grabbing her sketchbook, he flipped to the drawing she’d done earlier. “This is how you see me. At peace, because I’m with you. We make each other whole.”

“We do,” she nodded. “We do. And I love you. You’re in my thoughts and my dreams all the time. There hasn’t been a night that’s gone by that I haven’t dreamt of you holding me again. This weekend has been like heaven for me, Pacey.”

“So stay.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Make it that simple. Is it Dawson? I can call him, I’d be happy to call him. I can tell him that we’ve decided that things are better and we’re going to give it another shot. Let me call him, Joey.”

She shook her head. “Not now. Ask…ask me in the morning.” She walked over to the window and he stared after her. “Please?”

“Can I ask one question? Answer that and I’ll let the matter drop.”

“I’m not in love with Dawson.”

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, almost laughing at the relief he felt. His greatest fear was wrapped up in his best friend…or the man who used to be his best friend. “Thank you.”

She turned and the corner of her mouth lifted in a smile. “For not loving him?”

“No. For loving me.”

**

“Yeah, well, you’re pretty easy to love, once you get past the ego, the sex drive and the defense mechanisms you employ.”

“Well, gee. If that’s the case, I should have women lined up around the block.”

“You should.” She turned back toward him and walked over to the bed. Standing in front of him, she moved between his spread legs and ran her hands through his hair, tilting his face up to look at her. “But if you did, I’d have to start defending my position and put ‘em through a world of hurt.”

He grinned and moved his hands to his knees, letting his fingertips brush the back of her thighs. “More catfights, huh?”

“How’s your back?”

“It could use a little decoration.” He straightened and placed a soft kiss between her breasts. “How are your nails?”

“Armed and dangerous.” She turned and walked away, leaving Pacey slightly breathless. “But I have something else in mind.”

“Really?”

She opened his closet door and stared inside it. Pacey looked confused until she faced him, one of his ties in her hand. “Really.”

“Really.”

She grabbed the bottom of her shirt and tugged it over her head, tossing it aside as she strode over to the bed. “Lie down.”

Pacey lay back on the bed, his blue eyes hot. She climbed on the bed and moved to straddle his thighs, letting the hard length of his cock rest against her.

“Give me your hands.” He held them up, wrists together. “Should I be worried that you know what you’re doing here?”

“I’ve been arrested a time or two, remember? Same principle, much different results.” He grinned at her. “I hope.”

She tightened the noose around his wrists and looped the tie through the headboard. Pulling it tight, she admired his muscles as his arms went above his head, stretching his torso. “What happened to you when you were arrested?”

“I can assure you it didn’t involve a naked woman straddling me.”

“So this is already better?”

“Much.”

“Good.” She got off of him and left the room.

“Joey?” He tried to raise his head but found it impossible. “Jo?”

“Be right back.”

“Could you be a little more definitive in your terms? Right back as in a minute? Right back as in after you run to the store? Right back as in…” she came back into his line of sight as she straddled him again. “Hey there.”

“Have you worried, did I?”

“Not at all.” He managed to shake his head just a bit. She gave him a knowing glance and set something cold on his stomach. His body flinched and she grinned.

“Sorry about that.” Reaching down, she grabbed something and brought it up to her lips. He smiled as he saw the strawberry in her fingers. “You still hungry?”

“Starving.”

She took a bite then leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. He kissed her, accepting the fruit from her mouth. Joey pulled back, licking her lips. She ate the rest of the strawberry and grabbed another. Biting the tip off of it, she surveyed his exposed form with quiet contemplation. “Hmmm.”

“Hmmm?”

“Where to start?” She placed the fruit against his chest, decorating his nipple with juice. He shivered from the cold, his hips lifting off the mattress, seeking out her heat. Joey trailed the berry down his chest then ran it along the length of his erection. Pacey shivered again, this time from something other than the cold.

“Joey…”

She grinned and ate the strawberry. Grabbing another, she repeated her movements, this time on the other side of his chest. When she reached his erection, she scooted back so that she could stroke the underside of it. Pacey’s body arched, practically convulsing with need. She chewed contemplatively on the last strawberry, moving the carton they’d come in to the side. “You’re all sticky, Pacey.”

“You’ve got a tendency to do that to me.”

She nodded happily. “That I do.” Moving further down his legs, she leaned forward and licked the tip of his cock. The hard flesh surged upward as the muscles in Pacey’s legs tightened. Looking up at him through lowered lashes, she couldn’t help but grin. “You okay?”

He just gave her a look as she moved forward again. She lay down on top of him, capturing his hardness against her stomach as she began licking the strawberry juice off of him. She concentrated on his nipples, returning his favor from earlier, teasing them until he was panting, his breath harsh. She caught one between her teeth and nibbled on the hard flesh.

Pacey groaned and pulled on the tie, aching to get his hands free. Joey gave his nipple one last lick and sat up, shaking her head. “Behave.”

“Untie me, Jo.”

“Nope.” She bent her head again and started following the trail of juice down his stomach. Her tongue tangled in the dark hairs that surrounded his erection before she ran it up the length of him, tracing the pulsing vein on the underside. Once she reached the tip, she licked it, watching as the shudder ran through him.

Pacey gasped, thrusting up toward her hot mouth. Joey licked her lips and closed her eyes, slowly taking him in her mouth, wrapping her lips around him. He whimpered in a mixture of relief and tension, unable to keep his body from rising to meet her as she fell into a smooth rhythm.

Her hand curved around the base of his cock, holding him as she moved along his length, her tongue dancing over the sensitive skin. She could feel the hardness of his thighs as the muscles tightened further as her hot, wet mouth drove him close to the edge. She pulled back, focusing on the tip, giving him the firm suction he’d always loved.

Pacey’s chest jerked with shallow breaths as he struggled for control in the wake of her seduction. Knowing that he was getting close, Joey slid him from her mouth, sliding her hand up his cock before releasing him. He shivered uncontrollably; his eyes hot as they found hers.

She made sure he was watching her as she sat up, kneeling over him, the warmth of her inner thighs surrounding his cock. She lowered herself slowly, guiding him inside her. She closed her eyes as he filled her, her nails sinking into the firm skin of his thighs.

Pacey lay still, waiting for her to make the first move. His eyes caressed her, moving over her body like a lover’s hands. “Do you want to touch me, Pacey?” He made a noise in his throat, something between a groan and a whimper. She grinned and brought her hands up to her breasts. “Maybe here?”

He didn’t respond to her, other than to move his hands closer to the headboard. Ignoring the tie, he gripped the wooden slats and held on tightly as he began moving his hips, thrusting up against her. “Breaking point,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he moved.

Joey chuckled throatily and began moving with him. Her thighs clamped around him, making the warm passage where she’d imprisoned him even tighter. He whispered her name, increasing his pace as he felt the edge of oblivion closing in on him. He ached to touch her, knowing that she wasn’t nearly as close as he was. He needed this to be for both of them, no matter that she’d done it for him.

His thoughts were cut off as he felt the hard pressure of her hand move between them, knowing her fingers were doing what his were incapable of. He gave her a small smile of thanks, but continued tugging on the tie, still wanting to be the one to touch her.

Her breathing changed and he relaxed, knowing that she was close now too. Her body clenched around him as the first wave of her orgasm crashed through her. He struggled still, not wanting the moment to end. He thrust up into the warmth, drowning in her wetness, prolonging his own agony and ecstasy.

Joey moved with him, her body still thrusting down as the aftershocks of her climax worked their way through her. Sensing him holding back, she pressed her fingers, damp from her own arousal to his lips. Pacey groaned her name, sucking them into his mouth as he arched off the bed, falling into the sweet oblivion of her.

**

Joey carefully unfastened the tie from around the headboard and pulled Pacey’s arms toward her. Loosening the noose, she slipped his wrists from it and tossed the tie aside. Her hands went immediately to his wrists and began massaging feeling back into them. “Why didn’t we ever do that before?”

“Because I hate not being able to touch you.” He rotated his wrists a few times before folding his hands under the back of his head. “And you never trusted me enough to let me tie you up.”

“I trusted you. Or I would have if your head hadn’t been filled with Penthouse fantasies that I could never have lived up to.”

“You think you couldn’t have done that stuff? I have the utmost faith in your abilities in that realm, Joey. You’ve got the body, the muscle tone…the limberness.”

“You’re walking a very fine line here, Witter.”

“And I thought I was being complimentary.” He lifted his head and moved his arms, bringing them down to her thighs. He ran feather light touches of them, stroking the firm skin. “I’ve spent so long not touching you lately, it was kind of mean to make me go through it again.”

“You’re touching me now, doesn’t that make up for it?”

He sat up, careful to hold her so that she stayed on his lap. His lips brushed the tip of her nose. “Not even close.”

“What if I let you touch me all night?”

He grinned, “I suppose that it’s a start.”

“Good.” She climbed off his lap and headed for the bathroom. “We can start in a minute.”

Laughing, he got off the bed and followed her. He watched her clean up; his eyes memorizing the simple movements that she made so graceful, so sensual. He never seemed to be able to take enough of her in. She looked up at him, her hazel eyes searching.

“What are you looking for, Pacey?”

“Nothing.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

“If you’re going to make this conversation about something else, that’s very true. But right now, right here, at this very minute, the only thing I want to see is you.”

“How did I get so lucky as a teenager to totally bypass this romantic part of you and get mistreated by the caustic, annoying side?”

“I was saving up all my good lines for after I convinced you to marry me.”

“Had it planned all along, did you?”

He shrugged and followed her back into the bedroom. “Maybe.”

Joey picked up his tie and fiddled with it, her hands stroking the silk. “So, what’s the next item of business?”

“That’s up to you.” He lay down beside her on the bed and watched her hands. How many nights had she greeted him at the door, slowly undoing his tie before using it as a leash to lead him into the bedroom? “I’m all done with my teacherly duties, so my calendar is free and clear. Did you have any more items on your agenda?”

“Hmm,” she tilted her head, considering. “Well, there was dinner first then seducing you. Hmm…nope. I’m good.”

“That you are.” He rolled over and kissed her smooth thigh. “Better than good, actually, although I probably shouldn’t say things that might go to your head.”

“You’re the one with the ego.”

“Me?” He looked offended. “I’ll have you know that I’m not egotistical. I’m just…very confident in my abilities.” At her disbelieving look, he pulled himself into a sitting position and let his breath caress her ear. “Have I ever let you down?”

“Not when it really counted,” she admitted, letting him pull her into a quick hug. Pacey kissed her cheek and pulled away, climbing completely off the bed.

“So, what do you want to do tonight, Mrs. Witter?”

She smiled at the sound of the name, wondering if he’d even realized what he said. Shrugging, she got off the bed as well, carrying his tie back to the closet. “Movie?”

“I'll make the popcorn.”

“No popcorn.” Joey pulled the covers back off the bed and pointed. “Get in bed.”

“Yes ma’am,” Pacey did as she said, spreading his arms out. “Come and join me?”

“In a second.” She knelt in front of the TV and searched for a video. “I suppose it should go without saying that we avoid anything that reminds us of our childhood, huh?”

“Yeah, let’s leave any Academy Award winning directors, pictures, actors and actresses out of this, shall we?” Pacey leaned forward, staring at the smooth line of her back as she shuffled through his collection.

“You have more porn than any one man should.”

“I have the requisite amount of porn,” he told her. “When you get separated, they give you a booklet letting you know how to shop, what items you no longer have to buy and how much porn you should own.”

She sat down on the floor and looked over her shoulder at him. “What items do you no longer have to buy?”

“Let’s just say that it’s incredibly embarrassing for a single or semi-single man to find himself in the feminine hygiene aisle and leave it at that.”

She laughed and grabbed a video. “You have the worst taste in movies.”

“You’re just spoiled by the vast exposure you’ve had to film.” He wolf whistled as she stood then bent over to slide the video in the VCR. “Besides, you obviously found something.”

“Okay, so your taste doesn’t completely suck.” She climbed on the bed and moved between his legs, reclining back against him. Pacey wrapped his arms around her as the sound of a hard drumbeat came on the screen.

“Ah, the John Hughes moment.”

“It’s pre-‘Home Alone’, it can’t be all bad.”

“Hey, I own the film, I’m not about to start mocking it.” Pacey leaned back against the pillows and pulled her closer to him. “Besides, I have to like the message behind this one. The right people end up together.”

“As opposed to in ‘Pretty in Pink’, I suppose?”

He nodded. “I was your Ducky in high school.”

“And you’d have rather been my Watts?”

“I thought that’s who I ended up being.”

“I never bought you diamonds.”

His hand captured her left one and he rubbed the small stone of her engagement ring. “No, but I bought them for you.”

**

~ Twenty ~

 

“Sentimental and predictable,” she handed down her judgement with a haughty air as she took the remote from Pacey’s hand, and snapped the TV off.

“Not so predictable,” he reminded her. “Everyone assumed she’d realize what Ducky meant to her in ‘Pretty in Pink.’ Didn’t happen.”

She shrugged. “Okay, so you’re Amanda Jones.”

“I wouldn’t look good in Lea Thompson’s wardrobe.”

Joey ignored him. “Would you rather be with someone for the wrong reasons or alone for the right ones?”

“Well,” he thought for a moment, weighing his words. “I’ve done stuff before that was wrong, but I did it for the right reasons.”

“You’re talking about Ms. Jacobs.” It wasn’t a question, and she didn’t really expect an answer from him. “But that wasn’t’ what I asked.”

“I wouldn’t be with someone just so that I wouldn’t be alone.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Is that the question?”

“I’m afraid of being alone.” She pulled the covers up to her chin and stared at the blank screen. “I’m afraid of people leaving me, so I always leave them first.”

“Not everyone leaves,” he reminded her gently. “Even when you try and get rid of them.”

“Do you think there’s something in the water supply of Capeside? Something that makes us all talk like this?”

“Like this?”

“About everything but what we’re talking about.”

“Probably. Or maybe we’ve just all had bad experiences when we said or did what we really felt.”

Joey looked down at the blanket for a long moment before speaking again. “You’d leave me eventually. Maybe not for another woman, but in some way.”

“I’ll die someday,” he agreed. “And maybe I’ll keep things from you. But just because I’ve turned away, it doesn’t mean I’m leaving.” He brushed her cheek with his thumb. “We always come back to each other, Joey.”

“Yeah. I guess we do.” She smiled. “I’m just a glutton for punishment.”

“I prefer to think you have fine, discerning taste.”

“I thought that was why you always came back to me.”

“Nah. I was always too clueless to leave in the first place.”

“Loyalty was always one of your more annoying habits when I was trying to get rid of you.” She turned her head and smiled at him, her hazel eyes alight with humor. “Sort of like a dog that I couldn’t quite bring myself to kick.”

“God, I love it when you flatter me. Turns me on.”

“Pacey, is there anything I do that doesn’t turn you on?”

“I’ve yet to find it.” He shrugged, noting the small yawn she tried to hide. “Sleepy?”

“You’ve worn me out.”

“We’re out of practice.” He shifted his grip on her, easing her from between his legs and onto the bed beside him. They both lay down, facing one another as Pacey sighed softly. “I’m really glad we’re out of practice.”

She caught his meaning and smiled at him, pressing her finger to his lips. “Me too.” She yawned again. “I feel kind of guilty though, falling asleep. I mean, today has been so…perfect that I hate to have it end.”

“It doesn’t have to,” he reminded her softly, not wanting to cause a confrontation. “I mean, we could stay awake until our eyes dried out and shriveled up in our heads. We could just lay here and stare at each other until we went insane.”

“You’re already there.” She pushed him playfully. “We’re both tired, we’re both relaxed. I don’t think I’ve been relaxed since I walked out that door six months ago.” Joey’s eyes widened as she realized what she’d said. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Why am I sorry?” He nodded and she lay on her back. “We’re going around in circles here, dancing around the issue. We’re both so afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting the other person, but we also want to make sure we each know what’s going to be missing if we do this wrong.”

“I’ve spent the past six months knowing what I’m missing, Jo.” Pacey lay on his back as well, not sure that he had the strength to look into her eyes. “I know what I want. I’ve known it forever.”

“And yet you agreed to the divorce.”

“Because I was under the impression that the divorce is what you wanted.” After a long quiet, he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. “Is it what you want, Joey?”

“Right now, Pacey? All I want to do is fall asleep in my husband’s arms.” She raised herself up on one elbow and searched his face, deliberately catching his eye. “Do you think I could do that tonight?”

He nodded and let her snuggle against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. She lay her palm flat over his heartbeat and rested her chin on it. Pacey raised one hand and let it run through her hair, stroking it and slowly lulling her to sleep.

They lay like that in the darkness for hours; Pacey’s eyes wide open as he listened to the sound of her breathing. It eventually evened out and he stilled his hand, not wanting to wake her now that she’d drifted off to sleep.

“I’ve spent my life watching you, you know.” He was whispering, the soft sound fitting the dark room and the still night. “Watching you grow and mature, watching your heart break, watching you break mine. When you walked out that night, Joey, I didn’t believe it. I had convinced myself that you loved me too much, loved me as much as I loved you, and that you’d come back and we’d work it all out.”

“When you didn’t, I didn’t know what to do. I never thought about you not being in my life. These past six months have been so long and so lonely. I’ve never been so afraid, Joey. Never been so scared that I’d lost you for good. I mean, after the horrendous aftermath of our first few kisses, I felt sure that we could survive anything. I was sure that our love was strong enough.”

“I know my love for you is. I just wish I knew how you felt about me. I was always the second-string, wasn’t I? I mean, I know that you love me. I just also know that you spent forever loving him. I asked him once if it was going to be the blonde or the brunette.”

“I honestly never thought I’d ask you the same question.” He kissed the top of her head softly as the words caught in his throat. “Are you going to stay with me, Joey?”

He received no answer other than the steady rise and fall of her chest. Sighing, he closed his eyes and let himself drift, knowing he’d be just as likely to get an answer in his sleep.

Joey waited until she knew Pacey was asleep before carefully disengaging herself from his arms and getting out of the bed. She grabbed the shirt she’d tossed aside earlier and, very carefully, pulled the chair closer to the window. She sat in it, watching Pacey sleep for a long time, before she turned to wait for the sun to rise.


	4. Monday

“Potter?”

Pacey sat up in bed, blinking rapidly in the soft gray light of morning. It felt strange to be in this bed alone, especially now that Joey had been in it once again. He looked around the room, searching for her. She was sitting in the chair that she’d pulled over by the window, staring out into the pre-dawn mist. Her hands were buried in her lap but, even without seeing her clearly, he could sense that she was playing with her rings.

“Come back to bed, Potter.”

“I…there’s something I have to tell you first.”

“Now that it’s morning, you’re going to give me my answer? You’ve realized you’re too in love with me and you can’t live without me any longer?”

“I do love you, Pacey.”

He moved over to the edge of the bed and swung his legs over the side. She looked at him, naked except for the sheet draped across his lap, and bit back the tears the sight of him brought.

“Joey?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Pacey’s eyes widened for a brief second before narrowing harshly. Joey bowed her head, not willing to face him any longer. He sat there, not moving for a long moment before reaching over to take her hands. He stilled them with his larger ones, holding hers captive.

Very carefully, he removed her rings, sliding them easily off of her finger. Joey looked up at him, wincing at the hard and angry look in his eyes. Releasing her, he stood up and grabbed his robe, leaving the bedroom. Her gaze followed him as he walked into the other room.

He wouldn’t look at her as he walked back, couldn’t meet her eyes as he tossed the manila envelope onto the bed. Joey sat there frozen; watching as the papers slipped out, already signed. She opened her mouth to say something when the soft sound of his wedding ring hitting the papers came, filling the silent room.

Joey looked up at him, unable to even cry as he turned away and walked out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.


End file.
